𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐝

𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 *ೃ༄

lanas pov:

a week later

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we all stopped going to school. we just decided to drop out. we all kinda thought it was stupid but metallica was getting gigs almost every weekend at this point so we all just said, fuck it.

today was rough. my mind couldn't stop thinking about everything, i just thought i was a pain to everyone, i felt like i never did anything good. i hated my body and everything about myself. i just feel like absolute shit.

so i restored to something...to something that i shouldn't have, cutting.

my life had really never been easy and i knew it was something that worked for the time being, i also knew how bad it was to fall into that hole and how hard it was to get out of it.

i went into the bathroom and got the blade, i knew nothing and no one could have stopped me. i was overtaken by my emotions.

i sat on the ground and grabbed the thin piece of metal that had so much control over me. i ran it across my forearm. i closed my eyes and threw my head back at the feeling of relief.

once again i put the blade to my skin going deeper, the blood escaped my arm. shit i had gone too deep.

i started to feel dizzy, my eyes grew foggy but before i could do anything i passed out.

everything was black.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚  an hour later ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

i could faintly hear "shit!", "what do we do?!" "lana!". i slowly opened my eyes to see cliff shaking my body trying to wake me or something but it made me feel more sick.

i saws kirk from outside the bathroom door looking lost, searching for something. he picked up a bandage and ran into the bathroom. he started wrapping the bandage around my bleeding arm.

i looked down while they were frantically wrapping it and i remembered what i did. i am ruining everyone's life. kirk still wrapping my arm now helped by lars and james meanwhile cliff moved me so i was on his lap, my back leaned against his chest, holding me in his arms.

they shouldn't have to deal with me and all this shit i put them through, i need to deal with my own shit, i stood up to try and walk away. i don't care if they are still fixing my arm, i just walk away they shouldn't have to deal with that. 

but as soon as i make it out of the bathroom i started slowly falling to the ground, still dizzy i stood back up and walked out the front door. i sat on the porch crying.

i can't do this.

i could hear the guys bickering behind the door. kirk was saying "maybe we should-".

cut of by lars "james you know her best maybe.." lars went silent after cliff just opened the door and sat next to me on the stairs.

i put my face in my hands and said "im sorry" through sobs, he put his arm around my shoulders pulling me closer and said "it's okay". i felt so bad for stressing everyone out.

"...thank you" i say still crying. cliff nodded and stayed with me until i stopped crying. when i stopped crying we both went back inside. i sat on the couch watching the tv.

it wasn't on.

i just watched the blank screen trying to clear my head. i zoned out the guys talking behind me, i only heard something about pizza and then cliff left i heard his car pull out of the driveway.

james sat next to me with a beer in his hand, "shit lana...you scared me" he chuckled.

i managed to say "sorry" quietly. he looked me in the eyes and said "you know you can talk to us...right".

i just stayed quiet. i knew i could talk to them, especially james of all people but i just preferred to keep it to myself. i didn't wanna bother them.

he looked away knowing well i wasn't gonna say anything. we sat in silence for a little bit until i wrapped my arms around him and said "im sorry james i didn't mean to scare you...i honestly just didn't know what else to do".

he wrapped his arms around me to and pulled me close to him and said "it's okay...i know. just come to us next time". i nodded sobbing in his arms.

i said sorry a few more times to james. i felt really shitty.

i eventually calmed down and i actually put the tv on.

we both heard the car pull up so i got off the couch and opened the door for cliff because he had the pizzas in his hands. when he walked through the door i threw my arms around him, he hugged me back but was definitely very confused.

he then pulled out of the hug to give the pizzas to the boys. we sat on the couch together, he had his arm around me the whole time, after a little bit everyone was watching the movie which turned out to be better than we expected.

i was snuggled into cliff more than before, he did not seem to mind. i looked over at him when the time felt right and i kissed him on the cheek. he turned his head and looked me in the eyes.

i got really embarrassed and looked back to the tv.

fuck. did i really just do that, he probably doesn't like me at all.

i heard him laught a bit under his breath i felt more embarrassed...until he put his fingers on my chin and pulled me to kiss him on the lips.

never mind anything i thought earlier.

the kiss only lasted a few seconds. i wish it could have lasted forever, that moment was just pure bliss, it felt like i had never experienced any kind of pain ever in my life.

we went back to watching tv and i pretty much had a smile on my face the whole time.

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