Kensi pov
I stood on the roof looking over the view of los angeles from OSP thinking and reflecting on all the things I wanted to tell people but couldn't, specifically to tell HIM but couldn't, there was too much at risk, not that I didn't know he had feelings for me but I don't know how to explain it, it was just too much to risk and it wasn't the time to risk it all, not yet.
As I was about to turn and walk back downstairs to grab my bag and headout a familiar odor filled the cold yet cool atmosphere, it now smelled like ocean breeze and surfboard wax, it was a strange odor but I eventually grew to love that smell. It was Deeks, golden styled by pillow haired Deeks.
Deeks- "Hey stranger , what you doing up here all by yourself?"
Oh you know, just day dreaming about the man I can't have just yet is what I wanted to say but instead what came out was,
Kensi- "You know just looking out at Los Angeles thinking about things"
Deeks- "Like what?"
Kensi's mind- You
Kensi- "Just how beautiful it is and stuff"
Deeks- "You ok Kens? You seem a bit off"
Kensi- "Yeah, just been a long day and got a lot on my mind that's all"
Deeks-"A lot like what? Come on you know you can tell me"
Kensi- "Just personal things."
I quickly wanted to change the subject to I asked him
Kensi- "So what are you doing up here"
Deeks- "Oh you know just thinking" he mocked which not going to lie made me chuckle a bit.
Kensi- "OK now seriously, what are you doing up here?"
Deeks- "I was actually looking for you" he said as he slowly inched closer
Kensi- "Wanted something from me?" Why were you looking for me"
Deeks- "Ummm, nevermind I'll just tell you another time"
Kensi- "Come on, tell me , it was obviously important if you came quite on the roof to tell me, so come on spill" I pressured.
I had a feeling he was gonna tell me the same thing I have been wanting to tell him for the longest time but never did because it never felt like the right time, but suddenly contrary to what I thought before this fel like the perfect time to tell him actually.
Kensi- "You know what, if you don't wanna tell me now it's fine, you could always just tell me another time right? Or is it too important to wait?" I wanted him to just tell me because I knew that he knew that I knew what he wanted to tell me
Deeks- " It was more of a question sort of thing but fine what I wanted to ask you was, what is this? What are we? I mean we aren't just friends, but we also are not dating so, what are we?" He asked we within 5 inches from me, my heart rate began to speed up and i could feel his breath on me and the heart from his body began to rise.
Kensi- "I don't know"
Deeks- "W-What does that mean? What do you mean you don't know?"
Kensi- "I'm not sure what you wanted me to tell you but I don't know Deeks, I mean we aren't dating I mean it is against regulations and who knows what will happen if we do"
Deeks- "Hmmm, since when does regulations matter? I mean look how many operations we went on that was against regulations, you never said anything then, so what makes it any different now?"
Kensi- "I- I can't do this right now Deeks"
Deeks- "Why not? If not now then when, we both have questions and we both want more than what we have now. Imagine I am standing so close to you and all I can think about is snatching your face and kissing you so sweetly and waking up in the morning next to you and confessing my love to you all day, because it's what I think of when I see you, imagine I have to be reminded of what I want but can't have every single day, so close, yet so far. Now you tell me Kensi what are we,if you tell me right now that you don't feel what I feel and that you don't want what I want, then that's it we forget this ever happened, forget that I didn't just tell you all I wanted for us and for our future all of it if you just tell me that you don't feel what I feel for you and you don't want what I want with you"
I couldn't possibly ever in a million years say that I don't feel for him what he feels for me, because then I would be lying to not only him but also to myself and I promised my dad since I was a little girl up until I last saw him that I will try to always tell the truth and nothing but the truth.
Kensi- "I can't do that Deeks and you know it, you know what I feel for you even the dead, blind and mute people know what I feel for you so what else do you want me to admit, you don't think it kills me too, that I come to work, every single day to face the one guy I want in my life more than anything but yet still can't have because of whatever reaso, amd we both know that the missions we went on that was against regulations and every person in higher command opinion is different to us" to almost yelled at him, I mean I was frustrated I wanted him and so bad too but I just couldn't have him the way I wanted him.
Deeks- "Glad we figured that out, good night Kensi" he said still standing there now 4 inches away from my face, not moving or even trying to move, he just stood there standing infront of me, face to face staring my straight into my eyes almost lustfully it made me the most nervous I ever felt in a while it felt right.
Deeks pov
She just stood there looking ever so stunning as if the most beautiful woman in the world what made it even worst or should I say better is the view behind her, there she stood infront of the lights that decorated the city incredibly stunning , all I wanted to do was lean in and kiss her but I couldn't because that could ruin our partnership and the only thing worst that not having her as my girlfriend is not having her as my partner or us being awkward because we did something we weren't ready for but thought we were. But I just couldn't take it anymore. I leaned in to kiss her soft appearing lips but was interrupted by...
