For context, I (31m) have a brother, Paul (33m), who is a fuckup. He's a felon (breaking into people's homes to steal valuables) and in general Paul has no work ethic, no drive to improve, no moral compass, he's rude, cruel, uneducated, racist, homophobic (I'm gay)... I on the other hand have a PhD from my country's top university and I started my own company which is now employing 5 people full time plus myself and my husband.
Our entire lives, our mother (Mary, 63yo) favored Paul STRONGLY. The greasy wheel gets the grease principle - I could bring home perfect grades and Paul all failing grades besides one barely-passing grade, and mom would fall over herself congratulating Paul and buying him a new iPod while my grades barely get me a nod of acknowledgment. I worked jobs after school and in summer, only for my salaries to be stolen by Paul to buy weed, and mom always gave him a pass.
Our mother is a very warm woman and I can tell that she wanted to celebrate even the tiniest achievement of Paul's to encourage him and she didn't have the heart to punish/discipline either me or my brother, but in the end it fucked over both Paul and me. Paul was taught that mom will always bail him out and that stealing is consequence-free (until the actual police was involved and not just our mom). I have been slowly unraveling with my therapist all the ways in which being essentially wallpaper my whole childhood led to me having attachment issues, intense anxiety, abysmally low self-worth and an unhealthy habit to both bury myself in work AND always feel like a failure no matter how much I accomplish.
Mom called me today to invite me to a big party to celebrate Paul getting a job. It's unskilled, in retail. By now, I fully expect Paul to be fired or just decide to stop showing up less than 1 week in. I told mom no, because we live in different cities and it's not worth celebrating that mediocrity. Led to a heated conversation and eventually her telling me that I need to "give back" because I'm prosperous. I shot back that I worked to earn all I have, and with a mother like her it was an uphill battle. She told me she always supported me, and I told her what I typed above and hung up angry. She texted me "I'm sorry you feel that way" and that I'm still welcome to Paul's party.
I've been pacing and restless, was I an AH?
