rest my chemistry | a short story fanfic with paul banks

7

I stand here outside of the bus, with a tight pressure in my chest. Both Sam and Daniel's words are still cutting deep inside me. It's like in those interactions, both of them just knew the exact thing that'd send my already overactive neurons into haywire.

I don't get why I feel like this. I don't know why I must be so selfish, icky, and so passive and indifferent first off then let everything boil up to explosion. I truly, wholeheartedly don't know why I am me sometimes.

I do know, however that I'm frazzled to my core over the events of the last 20 or so minutes and just need to, bluntly put, block and remove myself from the world right now. I can't be assed to care anymore. I can't exert myself to perfection. I can't be the sexiest, most god like, eating food of his chest style model man you see in the magazines. I can't be other people anymore. I want to and can try to be a more ideal version of myself for some interpersonal peace, but at what cost? Idk and I'm near close to quitting in trying to figure it out.

Sam, one of the people I've been acting for most is probably worried sick about me or confused, and Daniel too if he does or already has found my shared pinot noir. Either that or he's drowning in disdain over his fairy flighted friend frolicking in yet another escapade, even long past our supposed "amateur hour."

I can't go back on that bus. But I can't go on without a drink. My gut instincts tell me to just go looking for some place that'll hook me up with a bottle for cheap, as I only have $2 on me and to my own stupidity, I follow through. I run fast once I remember this humble looking liquor place we passed by on our way here and go via my mental compass to get there.

I arrive at what I think is the place and am met with this sign that says "Andy's Spot' in poor fluorescent lights. I walk through the door with a striking, baritone bell that makes my presence more than known to two of the three other people inside who both glace at me for a split second; a tall, strongly structured woman eyeballing the shit out of a bag of Doritos, a thin, lean guy leaning against the wall chewing some gum while texting on his Nokia, and another guy at the front wearing a shirt with a peeling "A" on it and playing with ton of cigarettes spread all over the counter. Must be Andy.

I shift over to the fridge and search for something good.

Snapple..lemonade..diet coke...root beer...

...oh, there's some vodka for sale. I'll get that then. I walk over to the counter, not even examining the price and stand a few inches away from Andy. He doesn't look up from his "tobacco game", so I say a little "I'm ready to buy this now"

Andy, still without looking up asks "What is it?"

"I need to buy this-"
" Yes, of course you do, but what is it you need to buy?"
"This vodka, called Veni-"
"Great." He cuts me off ", that'll be $2.99, and I'll need to see some ID"

"Damn, I'm a dollar short" I mutter "and I left my ID in my suitcase"

Andy's clearly unimpressed, as he keeps staring at his cigarettes and makes a sarcastic eyebrow raising expression that I was able to make out from this strange angle

"Look man, if you don't have enough to pay," Andy starts sternly, "then just piss off and-" he stops as his eyes meet mine, like a deer caught in headlights

"Holy mother of Christ, you're the guy from that band...Interpol right?"

"Mm, yep"

"Holy hell man, my little sister can not get enough of you guys. Ever since that "turn off the lights" record thing y'all made a while back, everything you hear from her is "Paul Banks this, Carlos Dengler that", it's pure madness", he chuckles. "Wait, which member are you?"

"I'm..Paul"

"Oh shit dude, no offense, I was just backtracking there. No diss on you or your music, it's just..time and place you know?"

"Oh, no no it's fine. It's whatever"

"Alright, cool. Well, I'm gonna let you go now, as I know you and the rest of the crew are performing near here tonight, and I hate to take more time from you"

"Right. I'll just set this right here and go.."

"No, take it, you deserve it. Take the whole store if you want for all I care."

"I sure can't afford that ha ha, but thanks for the offer."

I pick up the bottle, decapitate it from the vodka's body and chug that thing to infinity on my way out the door. I sit down on the sidewalk, knees up and gulp more up of the devilish water one by one. I'm more soothed now, as I've come to expect, yet not fully numb to everything. I guess the best thing right now could be to relax, unwind, and let myself go with a good nap...