I miss us but your happy with someone else and I can't fix that. I can't help but to think about us and how we used to be everyday. I hate seeing you in the halls it just makes me miss you more, and sometimes I think I'm okay and that I'm over it but I'm not, I'm really not, I'm attached and I don't think my attachment to you is ever going to go away. I just wanna talk to you again, I just want to feel your touch just one more time. Your lips on mine one more time...I miss it. It hurts even more when everything reminds me of you because we spent so much time together. I miss all the nights and days we spent together and all the movies we watched, when you slept while I was cleaning, when you held me, when I held you. My own room reminds me of you, my dog, my TV, my bed, my blankets, necklaces, rings, It hurts like hell to think you moved on so fast while I'm still deeply inlove with you. All of these thoughts have me staying up very very late at night wondering if I will ever get you back, it's hard when you were my world and I am so bored without you, all of the times we just sat in silence, the way just a simple hug made me get butterflies, the classes I walk by and remember the times when you loved me. All of the people asking me how I am with everything and I just answer with a simple "I'm over it" when I'm not and I never will be. You made me feel special and made me feel loved more than I've ever felt before. You made me feel like I was finally okay. You made me feel like the pain was finally gone when in reality the worst pain was yet to come and I was completely oblivious and too inlove to see how bad it was going to hurt when we broke up. I blame you when I should blame myself. I'm scared that one day I'm gonna wake up and it's gonna be pending. I check everyday and just wait for my heart to be completely broken, because when you never talk to me again is when I'm going to lose it all I miss you baby...
I know you don't love me like you used too but atleast it's still a little...I miss when I was the love of your life and nobody could change that until miss flat face had to get in the way of everything. I'm sorry that I couldn't be better and I'm sorry I was so paranoid all the time and I'm sorry for everything I said and did when I was broken. You know I love you more than anything in my life and I hope that one day you will give me another chance to be yours. I promise I will be better the next time and i promise I will put all my trust into you and i promise you that I will never leave you the way you did to me, I will talk to you, I will communicate and i will tell you everything in my life. I promise I will love you more than I did before because it's my last chance to prove to you that I really want you and that I wanna be happy and that I need you. I really fucking need you Angelica. I need your touch again...I need to kiss you...I need to be held by you one more time...I need you to be by my side again. I need you more than I need food and water. I force it ever since that day. I force myself to eat because I won't want you to get worried but I know you won't worry....you have Jaden now and I can't take you back...she has you and I can't take it back...what's done is done and I made a mistake...I just want you back. Hey atleast you didn't cheat right? Atleast you didn't cheat on me with a broomstick bitch right? Atleast you didn't leave me for somebody who called me ugly? Atleast you didn't leave me for your bestfriend right? Atleast you didn't leave me for a bicth who brought boobs into a argument and acted like the victim when she started the fucking fight. Atleast I don't smash your little whore of a girlfriends face into the fucking concrete right? Atleast I didn't start a fight with somebody yet. You should be happy I care enough about you to not slap the broomstick dn the flat face right now because I really feel like they need it. Atleast I still listen to you and don't go any further than calling her a broomstick and your bestfriend a flat face. Parker is finally free from her toxic little manipulative ass he's finally free and im proud of him for finally leaving her because he needed it. I know that if we ever get back together it won't be the same because all of this stuff has happened and it will change how much you love me I know that you don't feel the same anymore and I know that if you did love me the same then you would be with me right now but you have Jaden and Mia and Piper and Ayla and Mae. People talk crap about me and tell you so many lies and I'm sorry that you believe them and I'm sorry that some of it is true and I'm sorry that you can't trust me anymore I know that you try so hard to lose feelings and I'm sorry for making it hard for you but I really do love you and I can't change that I can't hold back my feelings anymore it's all bottling up and one wrong move and I'll break down I'm sorry for making you feel like you have to be with me just to make me happy I want you to be happy more than anything in the world and I want you to be happy again even though I know you're not if you got back together with me I don't think it will fix it and I know Jaden can't do anything about it because all she does is make it about her and I'm sorry that she's treating you like that and I know I'm probably just assuming it and that is all in my head but I know you don't love me and that's okay but it breaks my heart just think but you can't be with me because of your friends they all hate me I'm sorry I don't know what I did to make them hate me I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so so show so so sorry but I can't change how they feel about me I know that they give me dirty looks and it hurts because somebody that used to be my best friend hates me with an anyting I love you and nobody can change that if I get with somebody it's not because I love them it's because I'm trying to forget I'm trying to forget how much you love me and I'm trying to forget all of the times I'm trying to forget all the talks and I'm trying to forget you but it's hard when I'm in love with you. I miss you so bad and I wish that I could change it I wish I could go back and stop myself please stop you from making the biggest mistake in my life. I'm sorry for making you feel like you have to be with me. I'm sorry for making you feel guilty and like it's your fault I'm sorry for making you feel like you have to fix it when you don't Mia does it's her fault but I know she won't fix it because she wants you and Jaden to be together and not me and you it hurts when you used to trust somebody so much and they turn their back on you you know the saying never push your friend under the bus what she did and it hurts she used to be my best friend when we were like five and now key switch she's different a lot different that day when you broke up with me at school in third period Eva came to the bathroom with me and I cried in her arms I cried for 20 minutes it hurts just think somebody I loved so much can turn around and hurt me more than anything. I wish I could tell you everything and I wish I could talk to you like this again wish I could just send you this and you send it I wish my first attempt worked the day I tried to kill myself was hard it was a week after we broke up and everything was over tried to overdose but it didn't work nobody found me though I was all alone can everybody knows now it's hard to think that you loved me once and now you don't I miss when we used to sit in my bed and just talk the day when we got back together I feel a little more happy and then we broke up again then we got back together and then we broke up finally for the last time and I hope it never happens again and I hope you come back and stay forever. I know people don't want us to be together but it's hard when I love you so much it's 3:42 in the morning and I'm sitting here crying writing in my notes and that somebody who doesn't even love me I'm so stupid to think that I could get you back when I know it probably will never happen again one of the days when we broke up again Jaden told me she probably won't get back together with you and then you did for a couple days and then we broke up it hurts it hurts so bad you know I had a talk with my mom well people cutting themselves she told me to never do it but I've been doing it for three years and she's never noticed and it hurts to know does she doesn't care enough tune check and if she did see she would probably take my phone away and blame it on you when that's not the case I miss you a lot. Please come back. Please love me. Please don't love her. Please just wait for me please just wait. I know you won't wait because you've already moved on I'm mentally tired obviously not physically but it breaks my heart to know that your little sister you will never see me again and it hurts to know I'll never be her big sissy I love you a lot and I'm sorry for breaking your heart just like you did to mine...
I just saw you in the halls with her, hugging her and clinging to her like you used to do to me... Today would have been 4 months and your with somebody else...I know you don't have feelings for me anymore and I get that. I'm annoying. I'm clingy. I'm selfish. I'm a bad person. I'm stupid. I'm dumb. I'm ugly and I'm probably not the right one fore you. I hope your happy with her even though I know you just hug her to make me look jealous...it's working...you should be mine...but I fucked it up and I'm sorry...please take me back...I need you. I need you in my life again. You left me when I needed you the most. I am struggling and I'm I'm I took that out on you. I'm sorry for making it all about myself and I'm sorry for only thinking about my feelings. I miss when you used to hold me in your arms and we would watch TV together and just laugh. I miss you laugh so much. I miss your smile. I miss your voice. I miss your face. I miss everything about you and your name is the only thing that makes my heart drop when I hear it. There was a commercial on my tv lastnight and it said 'Angelica' and I looked up thinking somebody was talking about you. I know its stupid how much I love you after everything that has happened and I'm sorry.
I don't wanna be in my 20's still waiting for something that isn't going to happen
