Till Then

Chapter 1: A Million Pieces

The Dominican Republic, 2002

"Ava! We're leaving." I hear Mami's Spanish words dance around the room. Ava was a name chosen by my dad, who has lived in the United States for as long as I have been alive. Mami agreed to name me Ava after knowing it means 'life.'

My mom has often told me how having me brought her back to life. It gave her a sense of direction and motivation to move forward regardless of the circumstances. Circumstances that she has yet to tell me about.

"Ava." I heard my name again, but it did not have that distant sound. I look up and find Mami by the doorframe, looking at me with worried eyes. "You okay?"

I looked at the pink dress, which felt itchy and heavy on my 7-year-old frame. I knew enough to understand that we were going on a trip. To where? I didn't know. Mami had yet to tell me.

"Everything is going to be okay." She approaches me and places her hands on my shoulders as reassurance. "Your dad has a place in New York. He said you will like the tall, sparkly buildings and your new school."

"What about my friends?" I look up at her and feel my eyes well up with tears as the information sinks in.

She makes a long pause before answering. "They are going to love you over there. What's not to love? You are my daughter." She kisses my cheek lightly before smiling at me. "I got you something."

"What is it?" She knew she had me at this point. I love surprises.

I see her hand going into her dress pocket before she brings a gold necklace out. It had the Virgin de la Altagracia, the protector of the Dominican people.

We hear a car honking outside and the sound of a passing motorbike's muffler. "That's for us, mamita. We have to go now. Say bye to Fefina."

Fefina is my rag doll. I walked to Fefina and kissed her on the cheek just as my mom did to me. "Bye Fefina. I will see you soon."

"Come on, Ava. Vamonos."

I grab the small bag I was meant to carry and take Mami's hand as we walk out of the house into the sweltering heat of the Dominican Republic. I was used to the warmth at this point, but the fabric of my dress kept itching and sticking to my skin. I did not complain or say anything else as I saw the other girl coming with us dressed the same way and didn't complain much.

"Hi." She says to me while shifting her weight from one white shoe to another. My friends and I mock how they dressed us like uncomfortable baby dolls with fluffy high-ankle socks and white church shoes.

"Hey." I smile at her, but she doesn't return. We were immediately ushered into the old car that was even hotter than the outside. The adults stayed outside talking to each other while the girl and I were by ourselves in the car. I turn to her and smile again. "What's your name?"

"Eva."

I slightly tilt my head as her name processes in my head. "Ava?"

"Eva." She says her name louder and slower as if she were talking to an idiot. If you ask me, she was the idiot as it sounded the same as my name.

"It sounds like my name." I smile at her because my mom taught me to be nice to people even when they are not. All in the name of preventing bad karma.

"Yeah, seems like our dad wasn't that clever with the names."

"Our dad? I don't have any siblings."

She looks at me from the corner of her eye. "Well, my grandma told me that you are my sibling. And that we are going to the United States so that I could be with my mom and dad."

"My mom?"

She turns her body towards me to make a point, "NO, my mom."

"Mamita, we are almost leaving." I look at Mami, leaning in to look at us from the open driver window as the back windows don't roll down.

"Mami..." Everything sounded muffled now, and she left before I could ask her what this new girl meant by our dad and her mom.

After that point, everything seemed to go by quickly as Mami opened the door and sat next to me in this moving car headed for Las Americas. My dad sat in the front seat, looking ahead and talking to the driver. He did not speak to us at any point. He seemed to be a man on a mission. And it scared me.

I leaned closer to my mom's cinnamon scent. And I slowly fell asleep until I was abruptly awakened.

"Mamita, we are here." Mami was already out of the car. I got out of the car and took her hand as I saw the airport entrance with the big 'Las Americas' sign. My dad was carrying my luggage with him. The girl followed right next to him with her dress swaying from side to side and her luggage behind her.

I looked up at Mami, who was looking forward without the smile I was always used to seeing. It had just occurred to me that her dark, wavy hair was tied into a slick bun. I wanted to ask her why she didn't keep it untied as it was prettier that way.

Deciding against it as it didn't seem like the right time, I looked forward and mimicked my mom as the luggage was given to a pretty lady behind a counter dressed in a navy blue dress. After we left the luggage, I looked at Mami again. "Where are they taking that?"

"It's going to the airplane, Mamita. You'll see it later." She smiles at me, but it feels different this time. I just didn't know what changed.

We continued to walk silently towards a small entrance that led into a place I couldn't see.

"Bueno, we are heading in now." My dad's authoritative voice informs us all. He started hugging everyone that came with us and having whispered conversations with each one of them.

Mami comes down to meet me at eye level and holds both of my hands.

"Mami, what are you doing? We are going in now." I searched her face, but she didn't give me any clues about her actions.

"Mamita..." I hear her voice, which seemed to falter. "I am going to call you every day. And you can call me too. Okay?" She smiles at me, which confuses me as I can clearly see her tears pooling on her lower lid even though she is trying to blink them away.

"What do you mean? You-You're not coming with us, Mami?" I feel my eyes welling up with tears as I look at her. My mom hugs me tight as a tear rolls down my cheek. "Mami," I say against her neck.

"I can't come this time." I hear her whisper to me as she hugs me. She pulls me back to look at me. "I will see you soon. Okay?"

"Mami..." I keep saying as the lump in my throat grows bigger.

"You go out there. And live your wildest dreams. Your Mami will always be cheering for you. I will see you soon, okay?"

"Mami..."

"We have to leave now, Mari." I hear my dad's voice say behind me to my mom. His strong hands are on my shoulders, pulling me back from Mami.

Mami nods and looks at me just as her tears start to fall. "Te amo, mi niña."

"Mami!!" I scream for her as my dad pulls me further away from her. I try to push away from his hold as I continue to cry for her. Even though the tears kept blurring my vision, I could see Mami covering her lips. The kicking and screaming did not stop my father from carrying me into the abyss at the other side of the tiny entrance door.

My heart broke into a million pieces with the loss of my Mami.