7:39PM
3rd April 2015, Friday
"Let's be alone together
We could stay young forever
Scream it from the top of your lungs." Fall out boy (Alone together)
We tend to forget what we loved, what we dream, what we think and eventually we forget what it was being young and stupid and still very ambitious.
I wrote it on my first page of my first diary.
I'm scared to forget and I that is the reason I'm writing this. So I could know what I really am. (3rd Oct 2013,Thursday)
Well it's been like 2 years and I'm still writing. I guess it does mean that I still don't want to forget anything. I would never ever want to forget anything.
I want to know that I always dreamt of being young forger. But I guess growing is also a great part of my life. I was scared of change, and yet I wanted to change for good. I guess I did. I am a little bit more confident, but more than that I know my own value.
I would do what I feel is right. I am at least that sure that I know I am able to see the bigger picture.
When you grow you don't start liking different tings or different people. You just start to understand more about yourself.
And I guess staying Young was never the point. It was always thinking young.
I read somewhere that we are the lost generation but. It said that we idolize risky behavior. We live by our own rules. We are wrong in so many ways yet we possess the power to change the nation.
Well it had a line in particular. It said "We are the lost generation. We are born free but we enslave ourselves within the confines of our mind- our generation is one of its kind.
You only live once has become the reason of our uncalculated action- with messed up morals we edit ourselves to fulfill societies satisfaction."
I can never forget reading that essay (Or whatever it was)
Because it was really deep. I really hate not knowing anything. I hate not understanding anything but I can't have eternal knowledge, can I?
I really want to be that 7 year old girl who went to her new school the first time. I cried after entrance exam because my parents helped me copy. Well even the principle said me answers because I didn't know a single word in English. I was a kid and I wrote it down somewhere (Maybe my first ever diary entry)
I don't know what I was scared of. I just knew that it was wrong, I shouldn't get admission on what I didn't deserve. More than that I hated that I wasn't capable of getting into that school on my own . even in 1st and 2ed std I wasn't the girl who would study all day. In fact I didn't write a single thing in my book. All I studied was a day before exam (That would be the first time I opened the book in the whole year) and yet get 91.4% you know what hit me that time? I was 4th in my class and the first one was a girl who got 91.6%. I didn't know what to feel. Those girls who never talked to me in class because they thought I was a weirdo and dumb came running to me rather in shock telling me I got 91.4%. I enjoyed the moment because those girls actually respected me. And I respected myself too. But when I had to copy for the entrance test I felt so bad not knowing. I felt bad for being incapable.
So well I had tuitions near my home. And well all I did there was complete my books and ask the teacher to prepare me for various Competitions. (I took part in every Competition in school. Like every)
