I woke up at 2:30 in the morning. I felt un easy. I sat up taking a deep breath. I rubbed my face and stood up. I am beginning to feel mixed emotions was my grandma right? Did dad kerp me from Reba or did she just leave. I just cant picture him doing that though.
I walk over to my bathroom spashing my face. I walk over to my clost pulling out my shoe box. I grab my razor. I look at it for a second. The only reason i started was i was so depressed when my dad died now my life is so fucked up. I take the blade and go back to the bathroom and sit on the toilet. I take off my sweats and drag the blade accross my thigh. I winced then bite the collor of my shirt. I felt the tears falling from my face. After 5 cuts i clean up the blood and go lay down and cry myself to sleep.
"Jess. Sweetheart. Are you awake." It was now 8:47 am and i had my back to the door when reba walked in.
"Yeah" i whispered.
"Breakfast is ready." She replied. " I hope waffles is okay."
"No thank you im not hungry right now. Im not really feeling well im just gonna rest a bit." I say.
She walked over and felt my head. I just lay there looking anywhere but her.
"Your alittle warm." She said moving my hair. "How bout i go get you some advil and juice okay?" I just nod.
She came back later but i was in the bathroom crying. I been doing that alot lately but everyone tells me i have to be the strong one so i never let anyone see.
Maybe grandma was right. I can tell by the way she talks to me. Look at me. Touches me. Reba didnt just up and leave. My dad kept me from her and lied saying my mother was heartless. Not worth it. I believed him. Now i know i believed lies.
My thoughts were interrupted by the door opening.
"Jess whats wrong?" Reba asked in complete concern.
"Did you ever try to see me?" I asked.
"Of course i did. I would so up at your house but you dad told me to leave. I even showed up at your school but the teachers stopped me." She sat down beside me. " I showed up to you kindergarten graduation.. You school plays... church programs.. even some of your races."
"So you stalked me?" I slightly smiled.
"Nooo." She laughed bumping our shoulders. I smiled a little more. "Your grandmother invited me.. told me everything."
"Im sorry." I say.
"Theres nothing you did wrong"
"Dad said these horrible things about you and i believed him. Im sorry." I say. She pulls me into a tight hug.
"Its okay. You only heard what he wanted you to know... now lets go lay you down so you can get to feeling better. I nod and stand up going back to bed.
