Of All The Things

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Naruto, to the surprise of no one, isn't owned by me.

A/N: So, this is a male "self insert," but not really as I myself am NB. More of an OC inserted into this world, if anything. Lmk if you have any particular interests in a ship.

Warning: Prepare for tonal whiplash. I haven't written anything in forever. Also, I'm going to attempt to make tangents, and call back to them when relevant. It'll feel weird at first, but maybe it'll turn out cool?

XxX

Broken rib, conveniently puncturing a lung. Suffocating to death, choking on blood. Honestly? A pretty damn dramatic way to die. Just as I was on the cusp of getting my shit together too... god damn golf cart. Stupid piece of shit literally BLEW UP as I was cleaning the garage.

But, turns out reincarnation is real. At least, I think it is? I keep fading in and out of existence, seeing flashes of a woman and man with whitened eyes, both with quite the long hair. To me, that sounds a hell of a lot like being an infant, perhaps my thinking mind would fade as I grew older? It seems to be taking all of my body processes just to keep me awake as I am. Two blind parents, too, if their eyes mean anything.

XxX

12 Years Later

Yeah, FUCK THAT. This was N A R U T O. Holy shit, this life really fucking sucks. Every single damn day, I'm getting pelted with hits that should fucking kill a man. The only bright side was that the education was at least good. Chakra? Taijutsu? All succinctly explained and taught to me by the best Hisashi could afford.

The truth is, I have something of a fear of authority. Despite having grown to be an adult, the chemical make up of my brain is still that of a child's, and an imposing figure like Hisashi was the type of thing that would make me shit my pants. So I pushed myself, hard, just to stay on his good side. Dude even made me beat up Hanabi just to test her out... didn't feel particularly good about that. I held back of course, as her older brother I very well couldn't completely annihilate her, but it seems I couldn't convince daddy dearest I was going all out.

Oh yeah, did I mention I was Hinata Hyuuga? But like, as a guy. We were pretty similar looking, even down to wearing the same clothes, the only notable differences were my eyes being smaller, and that my hair tended to stick up a loooot more in parts. Male anime characters and their bed-heads, am I right?

This life really was a fucking mess, though. There was so damn little I could change. I wasn't allowed to train with anyone outside of the compound until I was a genin, mother still died, I was still kidnapped, Neji' s father still died... and worst of all, the Uchiha Massacre happened just as it once did. The only thing I did manage to change is retaining a modicum of Hisashi's respect, still choosing me over Hanabi as the main branch's successor, and not being perceived as a total weakling by Neji. I was "winning" maybe every third spar we had, mostly due to my intense fear of parental apathy causing me to exert myself far more than I ever reasonably would have, drilling these forms into myself. I needed more creativity. I was way too by the books.

Lost in thought, I find myself in front of my desk at the Academy. Today was finals. My reputation with my peers, or more importantly, the Rookie 9 was... mixed. At best. Due to me being somewhat relative to Neji, and that Neji was able to consistently beat Lee, it doesn't take a genius to tell that I have physically advanced way more than my peers. If I had to guess, I'm either slightly slower or equal to Lee with his weights on. The Byakugan along with the gentle fist's principles, unsurprisingly, help compensate anyway.

And it's because of this training and upbringing, the competitive kids hated me. I was beating Sasuke in spars, which meant Sakura and Ino hated me, but made Naruto and Kiba like me. Oh, and Kiba's a girl here, to my shock. But then they started getting frustrated with me when I was easily beating them too. Shikamaru and Shino were sort of just... indifferent, when it came to them. I didn't have time to hang out with them after class to blossom any friendships... At least I had Choji.