Tower Defense Simulator Oneshots (Requests)

GOD DAMN YOU PESKY TITANS!!!

It was a BEAUITUFL and LOVELY morning. Commander got up in the best of moods and greeted all who he walked past. Having no one else around for a second, he caught DJ in the hall and had a quick makeout session before going about his day.

He saw his men (and whorish women) up bright and early too. So nice was it, til a Scout came nervously up to him. "Hey sir? I was told to take the trash out but...there are pests in the trash." The Scout still had the trash with him. Being in a good mood, Commander took it over happily and gave the Scout a pat, who happily ran off for breakfast!

Commander threw the trash over his shoulder and practically skipped along to behind the base. When he got there, he was ready to kick a raccoon's ass. But as he round the corner, he dropped the bag of trash and his morning shattered before him.

"GET THE FUCK OUT MY TRASH!" Commander screamed, sending a Penumbras and a Umbra scattering on all fours. Looking up, he saw a couple of Frost Spirits on his god damn roof. Taking out his pistol, he shot at the avians and they quickly fluttered away.

Commander was now super grouchy, there's titans in his camp! He just hoped that was all he would get. Commander walked away after tossing the trash into the dumpster. But as he did, the Frost Spirits came back to the roof, with more.

Commander decided to check up on how the new outdoors shooting range was going and he nearly pissed himself in anger at seeing a Gravedigger digging his ugly ass hands into the dirt where his shooting range should be. "GO DIG ELSE WHERE!! I'LL HAVE YOU EUTHANIZED, MILITARY STYLE!!" Commander screamed.

The Gravedigger winced at the frequency of the shrill sound the little man squeezed out and ran off, whimpering. Commander felt as if he would have to go through this all day now. Indeed he was right cause a Frost Spirit stole one of his fucking Gladiators right before his eyes.

The Frost Spirit took it to the others on the roof, where they circled around the poor tower. Commander gave a quick prair to God to let that poor Gladiator into the pearly gates. Commander got an urgent call on his walkie talkie and he raced over to the pond not so far off from the camp. A few towers were there and in the pond was...a Ducky D00m!

"Hey boss, do we shoot it or?" Hunter brought up his rifle. "NO!" Commander screamed. "THIS STAYS! shoot it, I SHOOT YOUR RETIREMENT PLAN OUT THE WINDOW!" Commander loved the ducky, and the ducky loved him back. Ducky D00m was permitted to stay with the promise of bread crumbs.

Commander next ran off to where the Frost Spirits had collected again. Before he could shoot at them, a whistle sounded behind him. It was a Lord Sinister! Oh wait.

The Lord Sinister ran for his very soul as all those Frost Spirits went after him, leaving the Gladiator. Gladiator poked his head from the roof, he was covered in feathers and frost. "They wanted to adopt me, but they left me for a man. Just like my mom!" Gladiator laughed and fell off the roof.

Loud footsteps came towards the camp and Commander turned around, nearly shitting himself. A Void Reaver had come. The same Gravedigger from before was holding his hand, grinning smugly. "Aw shit," Commander dropped his head.

A loud clang from behind him alerted Commander. Turning around, he saw the lower half of a Creator in his god damn dumpster. The Gravedigger began digging at his camp, no one messing with him with the presence of literal death.

Commander layed down and cried, god damn titans ruining shit. A shadow loomed over him and he looked up. A Fallen King looked down apon him. He grabbed Commander and picked him up. He then proceed to hold Commander like hamburger.

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this is the funny writing