Hade's Rose

Chapter 9: Preparing to Leave

For the rest of the week, I enjoyed working only in the mornings on my own. The luxury of having the afternoons off, whilst no longer being sick, was an added bonus.

Despite a hidden longing for it to be otherwise, my mate was never again present when I tidied his rooms. It was for the best, I knew that. It was only a form of torture to have him so close and I would tell myself that I was grateful that things had returned to how they were. This I repeated in my head whilst I scrubbed the hardwood floors, wiped down any and all furniture, polished tea spoons and purposefully dropped a bag of sugar, only to extend the time I was needed in their to clean; because I was painfully aware that time was running out. People were getting suspicious or had already guessed too much. I couldn't stay here any longer.

Alice had tried to corner me as I was coming out of our floor's bathroom, no doubt hoping to see me in a towel or a state of undress to spot my mating tattoo. An amateur move; I was always careful to lock the door and get changed straight away. However, I pretended to not understand what she was doing, as she hanged elusively outside whilst calling out to me to "hurry up".

It was Friday, tomorrow would be my last half-day. I had written home last night, explaining in coded language why I was taking the coach home in two weeks time once my notice was up. Also, I had drafted and re-drafted my letter of resignation to give to Edna tonight. My excuse would be that my recent illness has led me to re-evaluate where I wanted to be and that I had been feeling homesick for months; none of this would be difficult to believe.

Lifting up the dust sheets from the fireplace where I had been blackening the grate, I turned around at the polite cough behind me. Henry had popped his head amiably around the door, as he was want to do now that he assumed we'd begun some kind of friendship. Another someone to disappoint I thought with melancholy. "How's it going?" he asked.

"Almost done for today I think." I spoke whilst folding up the sheets and putting away my tools in a little metal bucket.

"I don't know why you bother with the fireplace; it's barely been lit recently." Another reason I needed to go: Henry was too shrewd.

"There's no crime against being thorough." I replied lightly, "I thought Wolfmen don't feel the cold?" I couldn't help but be nosy. I tried not to encourage Henry too much, as I could tell that I was warming to the big warrior, but throughout the week I had often succumbed to curiosity and his amiable nature. I guessed my reduced lack of fear was only due to a new 'devil may care' attitude, where I knew I most likely had less than a year to live.

"We do, in our human form. Not as much as you do, but we can feel temperature," Henry teased. "Ardel will get reasonably cold soon as Winter comes, then you'll start seeing all our little ones in coats and hats." Something about that made Henry smile, no doubt triggering a treasured memory.

"Little ones?"

"You know, children. We are very protective of our young." Henry sniffed, as if this was obvious. To be fair, it was. I'd overhear some of my old friends talking about the differences they saw when they were out on their time off, or I'd observe for myself from the Wolf-folk who worked in the castle. It had been commented on how fiercely protective the Wolves were of family, women often not working to stay at home to look after large broods of children. Hence, the heavy recruitment of humans in more menial jobs, as so few Wolfwomen worked. If they did, it was often roles to do with midwifery, nursing or a few diplomatic posts.

It was all new to us, because the Bane Pack had kept their lives incredibly private and reserved from the humans. Although, we had easily surmised their protective, if not possessive nature. Hence the need for forced implants to stop them from mating with us and needing to 'protect' their human mate. I smiled grimly to myself.

"I'd noticed." Something in my tone caused Henry to look sharply at me. But, I waved off his curious look and carried my things to the cupboard. Packing away, I felt his eyes on my back. Guilt stirred in my heart and I remembered my resolution that morning to tell Henry that I was leaving, if only because it would be strange for him to hear from someone else first. Not that he would necessarily... it shouldn't really matter what I did or didn't do. But, it felt wrong somehow not to say something.

"Henry," I started, turning around to face him once my things were all put away.

"Yes, O Lady of the Faint of Heart" Henry quipped, although his joke was more poignant than he knew.

"I think you should know that... that I will be leaving soon. I am wanting to go back home to my parents."

There was a silence. Henry's face was carefully blank for a change. I couldn't be sure, but I could have sworn that the whites of his eyes momentarily had a yellow tinge. "Henry?" I softly enquired.

Henry's hands fisted then relaxed, before he let out a huff. "I can't argue with wanting to be closer to family, I suppose. But, I'm not half upset."

"Upset?" My eyebrows were raised in confusion. It was only in the last week that we'd started talking.

"I forget you're not familiar with Wolf nature like most folk around here. Us Wolffolk get mighty attached easily and our emotions run... more intensely than humans." Henry folded his arms, looking at me intensely. I knew what he said to be true, I'd read bits about it and learnt lots about their kind since I moved here. But, I'd so carefully kept myself separate from almost everyone that I didn't comprehend as well as I probably should. I understood the effect of the mate bond, but I didn't realise the extent of their tribal nature.

Henry huffed out in anger as I processed silently, "When do you leave?"

"Two weeks"

Henry just grunted in reply, stared at me hard for a few long seconds and stalked off back to his post outside the door. I sighed... emotions run more intensely indeed. Nonetheless, my heart did ache for the pain I'd caused, even though I knew Henry would get over it. I was more dreading telling Edna this evening.

I finished putting everything away then left, saying "Goodbye" softly to Henry on my way out. I didn't hear a reply.

*

"Are you sure? So soon?" Edna held my resignation letter in one hand, the other pointedly on her hip. After dinner, I'd knocked politely on her office door and come in to explain that I was leaving.

We spoke back and forth for half an hour, Edna questioning my motives and why it had to be so soon. I stuck to my story and insisted I was just homesick, then added to cement my case that the physical labour was more than I realised it would be when I moved here. It was partly true, my work in the shop had been relatively sedentary in comparison. But, I hated blaming anything on my lame leg; it barely prevented me from doing most things. I had never harboured a secret longing for hiking or faced any genuine cruelty from my peers growing up.

"Is this really what you want?" Edna asked, tears in her eyes.

What I really wanted I couldn't have, but that was my burden to bear.

"It is. I'm so sorry Edna, I've been putting this off for a while. I'll always be so grateful for how you've looked after me, I doubt I would have survived this long if it weren't for your help."

I wiped tears from my eyes as she enveloped me in a large, bosomy hug that seemed to last forever. I didn't mind. "I'm sure your parents would love to have you back." Edna spoke over my head. I cried a little, not for reasons that she thought, but nonetheless her comfort was real and warm. It was what I needed in that moment, as I knew the bleakness of my future was steadily encroaching.

I stayed for some time, chatting and drinking tea. But that night as I lay in bed, I could feel my muscles turn sore and my skin felt stretched too tight over my joints and knuckles. I felt like a sailing ship that I'd read about in adventure stories, creaking in a storm before breaking in half upon the rocks. I was a shipwreck waiting to happen and I wanted to go home to hide.