Until the end

1

Lilah

I stand in front of everyone, all eyes on me. Watching me either eyes like daggers. It suffocates me.

I look up from my shaking hands to the sky. Dark grey clouds form overhead as they move slowly across the sky.

It traps me in a cage where the key is my worst nightmares.

I feel my chest tightening as I realise I am holding my breath.

Breathe.

"The usual speech for a lost loved one normally goes a bit like: I love you and always will, you will never be forgotten...blah, blah, blah... and then they end on something like 'fly high in heaven'."

The look of disgust appearing on peoples' faces causes the slightest smirk to play at my lips.

They really never knew this man did they? If they did, half of them wouldn't even be here. They'd be too ashamed that they ever even supported such a monster.

"I never considered him to be a father to me. A true father. One to be loving and carding and kind. That sounds a lot like my father to you I bet, doesn't it?"

No one moves. They all stand still, like stone. Cold, hard and emotionless.

"If I told you that my father was anything but, you wouldn't believe me. I mean half of the people here probably still don't believe me, so why does it even matter anymore. I may as well end my speech here, seeing as no one seems to actually be listening."

I move my gaze around the crowd, until my eyes meet those of the wicked witch of the west herself.

What a bitch she was. My father's little 'friend'. Yes, he was a terrible father; but he was an even shittier husband. Why my mother ever married such an awful man I shall never know. At least he could have had the decency to be loyal to such a lovely woman for doing such a thing as giving her life away to him.

I continue my speech after realising I was silent for a while.

"Yes, Lindsay. I mean you." I say whilst staring into her eyes. I receive nothing but a glare back. No surprise there.

A ripple of laughter haunts the air at my joke.

I don't really care though. It wasn't much of a joke.

"But I shall continue anyway, for the sole purpose of boring you all even more on this misery of a day."

Even though my father is dead, he haunts me forever. In my nightmares and in the shadow of my existence. A reminder of my insecure safety.

*Flashback*

"Lilahhh" I can hear my father call from the hallway. His voice a threat to me. He wants me to go to him. But I will not.

Instead, I hide under a blanket, curled up beneath my bed, whilst tears fill my eyes. It takes everything in me to stop them from falling.

The sound of my father's voice makes me want to scream for help. I want everything to stop and save me from what he wants from me.

"Lilahhh, come to daddy. I have something to show you" I hate his tone of voice. It is the type that is soft but not comforting. It is cold and it makes him sound like he escaped from a horror film.

The door creaks open and I tense. No, no please don't. Please don't, please.

The pleas inside my mind are interrupted as the footsteps become louder. Until they stop. Right in front of me.

I can only hope that they are those of my mother. And not the heavy thud of my father's. But my hopes are crushed when my blanket is lifted, and that same old voice whispers quietly.

"Come on my little Lilah, you don't have to be afraid of me," The wicked grin on his face scares me more than what is about to happen. What has happened so many times. Like how his smile never quite reaches his eyes.

He puts his hand out for me to take, I hesitate before taking it. The look in his eyes forcing me too.

He leads me out of my room, down the corridor to where my mother stands.

She looks different, yet completely the same. Her red, puffy, tear-stained cheeks and glazed eyes beckon me to her. All I want to do is run to her and hug her with the world.

But I can't, my father won't let me

"Now, Lilah. Say goodbye to mummy." My father commands.

What? Goodb—

*BANG*

My heart stops.

"NOOOO" I scream as my mother's lifeless body drops to the floor. Tears stream endlessly out of my eyes as I fall to the floor beside my mother. I shake her body, trying to wake her up. I know it is no use, she is dead. She was killed.

My father killed her.

"Now Lilah, come to daddy. Everything's going to be okay" He comes up from behind me. Grabbing my arms tightly and ripping me away from what once was my only place of comfort.

Towards the chamber my father calls his bedroom.

*End of flashback*

Wiping tears from my eyes, I look around the crowd. People watch me with darting eyes, some with a hint of sadness, others with worry. And a few watch with nothing. They show no emotion at all.

I realise now that I must have been trapped in my own silence for a while now, as murmurs of worry spread through the crowd. Staring me up and down.

Do I really look like that much of a wreck?

I mean, I probably have mascara dripping halfway down my face and red puffy cheeks from all the crying but how bad could it be?

I check my by using my phone as a mirror.

Apparently it could get very bad. I look just as shit as I feel.

Like I want to die.

"Lilah, are you alright?" A voice asks from the side of me.

"No. Excuse me" I reply quickly. I notice my heart beat had risen, there is a pounding in my head and a ringing in my ear that is screaming at me. I can't breathe.

Before anyone can help me, I begin to run. I try to run away from the funeral, away from the trauma my father has caused me. Ignoring the pain, I keep running.

But most things catch up eventually.

I feel my head spinning as I begin to fall. But before I can, a strong pair of arms catch me by the waist.

"I've got you love" A deep voice says soothingly.

It is the last thing I hear, before falling into darkness.