Lilliana

16- Empty

TW// SELF HARM, SU/A, AND VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS:

Lilliana was currently sitting in the kitchen with her eyes on the front door waiting for her men to get home.

she hadn't seen them since breakfast that morning because they had to handle a hit. They still hadn't told her what their job was so their excuse was they needed to go to work for a business meeting but they were supposed to be home two hours ago which made Lilliana nervous. She was so anxious that she'd been pulling at her skin for two hours straight and her arms were turning purple.

Suddenly the front door slowly began to open causing Lilliana to jump straight from her seat and run to it.

Luther was the first person she saw and after hours of no touch Lilliana quickly wrapped her arms around him. However he didn't return the gesture he just stood emotionless and stiff.

She looked up to him puzzled but he didn't even look at her. He grabbed her arms pulling her off of him. Lilliana whimpered at his harsh touch but he still didn't pay her any attention he just pushed past her and began walking upstairs.

Lilliana's head dropped but another set of footsteps had her spinning around. Even if Luther wasn't in the best of moods at least Alexander would be nice, Lilliana thought.

She smiled at him and he attempted to smile back but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He kissed her forehead and walked past her. Two in a row, she thought.

She was now concerned more than anything so she decided to go check on them. She started off  with Luther, his door was open so she walked in and sat down beside him on the bed.

She grabbed his one hand in both of hers and ran circles over it, "are you okay Lucy, what's wrong?"

He peeled his hand away from hers and shook his head "out"

Lilliana sucked in a deep breath, the events of the previous week came back to her.

"ok" Lilliana stood up and walked out shutting the door behind her. She leaned against the wall holding her chest as it began to feel heavy and tears starting pouring down her cheeks.

She stood there holding her chest for what felt like hours until she felt somewhat better. She didn't want the men to catch her crying even though she felt like Luther could care less at this point so she made her way to the downstairs bathroom.

"of course he doesn't care no one could ever care about you"

Lilliana shook her head and mumbled to herself "they love me"

Once there she began wiping away her tears.

She looked into the mirror at herself and all of her features. She thought she looked pretty but then the voices came back.

"you're pathetic"

"No"

"you're so fucking ugly"

"No"

"no one loves you"
" but Lucy and Lexi do"

"no they don't because no one will ever love you, you are worthless"

"Worthless, pathetic, pitiful, ugly, disgusting"

"no, no, no, stop" Lilliana pleaded with herself pulling her hair, she dropped to the floor pulling her knees to her chest.

"aww you want to cry like the bitch you are"

"you should just kill yourself"

Lilliana slowly looked up in the mirror and all the pain that she'd endured her whole life hit her like a truck. All the bad memories and nights crying plagued her head. All the pain coursed through her veins and she sobbed just wanting it to stop.