outbound | haaland

06.

"And it's Erling Haaland?" Ennik held her head before announcing, "I need to take a seat."

"I'll get you some water," Erling offered, scuttling off to the kitchen to grab a glass. By the time he reentered the situation, Ennik was doing math using her fingers. He placed the glass on the table in front of Ennik. From what Earling could gather, Ennik was trying to figure out how she had so thoroughly misread Erling's situation.  (He hoped one day he'd be able to tell Ennik the truth.  It didn't feel right making her reconsider her emotional and social intuition; she had been right.)

Ingrid leaned over and whispered dreamily, "I'm gonna marry her."

"This is your fiance?"

Ingrid nodded.

It made Erling smile. Ingrid was so proud to have Ennik as her fiance, unashamed in how enamored she was.

Ennik chugged down the water and stared at Erling for a solid minute. Erling was unused to this kind of deep appraisal in an emotional - not talent-related - kind of way. It was far more complex than the kinds of stares that he usually received. He felt, again, that he was being assessed for quality; Nova's family and friends looked at him and searched for reasons to approve or disapprove of his "relationship" with Nova. They analyzed him on a surface level, as though just being wordless in his presence could grant them insight into how well he matched Nova. No probing questions had been asked; everyone was using their gut.

Erling was desperate for their approval. How lovely it would be for people to recognize his value as a person, to accept his capacity to love and challenge him to expand it. Generally, people confined their criticism to his public face, rarely, if ever, making determinations about the Erling behind the scenes.

He wanted to be good enough for Nova in their eyes. (He hoped he was good enough in Nova's eyes too, those were the ones that mattered the most to Erling right now.)

Finally, Ennik broke the silence and nodded, "I forgot to introduce myself.  I am Ennik.  Welcome."

Jakob's arrival two hours later prompted another explanation about Erling's presence.

At this point, Erling's identify was the less surprising part; almost none of Nova's friends or family seemed to believe that she was dating anyone.

Jakob shrugged it off and shook his hand. "Welcome to the family then," he said before tearing into his cupcake.

It was so nonchalant, but it sparked something in Erling.

It stuck with him as they decorated the tree. He watched as inside jokes played out amongst the family and friends. Christian showed up part of the way through decorating the tree with homemade marshmallows and started a pot of hot chocolate. Nova sat next to him between taking photos of the gathering and explained every single outburst of laughter, drawing Erling into a charming past filled with happy mistakes. This ornament was from the year Christian baked cookies and accidentally used salt in the place of sugar. That carol reminded them of when Ingrid's voice cracked during her solo at a holiday recital. One year, Jakob incidentally hit a girl in the choir because she surprised him coming down the stairwell.

Ingrid slipped a mug of chocolate into Erling's hands as she defended her love of fruitcake with short words.

Nova snorted and leaned against Erling before whispering, "Is this okay? Me touching you?"

Erling nodded; his heart was full of the joy of others. Maybe he was lonelier than he thought.  He turned and whispered to Nova: "Your family is very lovely."

Nova shook her head, "They're crazy.  Is this what your holidays look like?"  Her body settled even further against Erling's.

A heavy sigh escaped from Erling's lungs, "No."

Nova lifted her head to look at Erling. Concern and worry and maybe a hint of sadness mucked up Nova's expression. Erling felt seen again, felt cared for in an unfamiliar way. Nova's eyes pled for an explanation from Erling.

"It's been a while since I spent the holidays at home." Erling glanced up to see Ennik dump and an entire box of tinsel on Christian. Anger on Christian's face fizzled away with laughter.

"We didn't decorate when I was a kid, and I worked through the holidays when I started professional football until this year.  My family wasn't quite this warm."

Arms wrapped around Erling. Nova's chin rested on his shoulder.  "You'll be warm here," Nova promised, a hand moving to smooth the hurt from Erling's furrowed brow.

Holding Nova's hand was...

Nova's hands were so warm. Her fingers were firm and soft at the same time. She must have been well practiced in holding hands because he took Erling's hand with confidence. Their fingers wound together naturally, and Nova smiled.

Nova smiled at Erling like there were only two people on the planet.

Erling had to remind himself at that moment that they were acting. The way Nova's gaze held him made him feel like they were dating. Rarely had Erling seen such commitment to romantic notions even in his own career path. He had to give Nova credit for giving all of her energy to pretending to be in love with Erling.

Nova held his hand, and Erling held Nova's.

Erling's heart pounded, as though it had achieved something; like it caught onto actual love and wanted to keep it and nurture into blooming beautifully.

They walked in a quiet rhythm behind Nova's parents and sister. Ennik was attempting to convince Ingrid to give her a piggyback ride.  Erling adored how easily they bickered and immediately resolved their tension. He craved the kind of open affection that they had.

Christian was glued to his phone, gnawing on his lower lip with a look of worry in his eyes. They were walking to a neighborhood meetup to tour the holiday light and lawn displays in the area. A group of people gathered in front of a house at the end of the street.

Christian swerved to walk in stride with Nova and Erling.

"Hypothetical question."

Nova shook his head, "No."

"Erling?  Will you answer my hypothetical?"

"Sure." Nova rolled his eyes, "Sorry Christian, not listening to this today.  Good luck, babe."

Erling's heart fluttered again, even as Nova let go of his hand and went to over to Ennik and Ingrid.