the definition of shock - poems about depression, suicide, and self harm

visions

how can i pretend
that i'm trying to be healed
when my pain is additive
and my punishment is sealed.
the screams that i give
are the heralds of angels
and my blood that drips
is a gorgeous vision of terror.

people don't understand
why i chose this pain
but it's not the hurt
that i wish to preserve
but the sense of control
that i'm willing to die for.

i want to change the mirror
and the person that i see
but my scars will always reveal
the sadistic hell in me.

and so i continue the cycle
of blades and blood
forget what i live for
forget the reality
that once kept me secure.

i am scared of my power
to damage and destruct.
please, someone, help me
because i cannot help myself.

i am misunderstood
by me.
i am overlooked
by me.
i am tortured
by me.
i am my worst enemy
because as long as this devil controls me,
i will never
be free.