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Dreamland

Review for @army_kaypopper 

Title: Dreamland 

Definitely suits the story very well as this could never actually happen. Imagine being surrounded by like 10 groups and 2 of your ULTs hahaha plus they would situate it in a hotel or a place where nobody is, they would definitely check for any people living there. 

Anyways I think the title was a good choice. 

Blurb: The blurb could use some work as I think a blurb is really the calling point for a story. You need to make that good first impression when somebody reads your blurb. For me, an ideal blurb would be one that makes me go "wow, I wanna read this" but it's okay. I get that you're just calling fandoms to read your story and I guess it's okay. something like "kanuah goes to a foreign place but holy cow did she know ... etc" would really pick up the reader.

Plot: Okay, now comes the main part of the story, The PLOT. The plot is honestly great. Living in a place where there are so many Idols. Then I notice that Chanyeol and Taehyung seem to have feelings for her. The start was really good, then exploring cultures and all but in the middle between chapters, 20 - 30 things got a bit dull. The graph of progress came to a flat plane. What I mean by that is it seemed like you gad a goal of how many chapters you wanted in the story and in order to fulfil that you dragged it on a lot. I think a group dinner with 2 - 3 groups would have been fine and the party etc. But I think adding so many Idols and so many interactions dragged the story to a point in which I was really just reading it and now getting absorbed in the story myself. 

I like how well you described her emotions and passions, that was a really good move and I like how her friend seemed like any other girl who goes crazy over idols.

end (Up to the updated chapter): So at this point, she goes "I like..." in front of stray kids. I don't have any person in mind that should be endgame so I'll state my opinion on Taehyung and Chanyeol: 

1) He was harsh to her, what does he mean by "no Idol would date you"? Does she seem like she's asking for anyone to date her? 

2) He would come to be a very possessive Bf because instead of being cutely jealous he was obsessive jealous. He couldn't stand her talking to anyone, especially Taehyung. 

Taehyung:

1) he on the other hand seemed like he liked her a lot. He was protective and quiet about it too. He didn't want her attention desperately and he didn't start forcing himself on her when he saw her getting close to Exo, etc. 

2) Maybe breaking the glass was a bit too much like he shouldn't have got thaaaat mad

3) I find Taehyung very cute in this story when they first met.

Personally, I think The story would develop well if she doesn't answer the question straight away and says maybe something like "Myself" haha and then she slowly starts to realise Taehyug's worth or starts spending time with him.

If you want Chanyeol to be the main lead in this I would suggest the same to not open her feelings to skz at the moment.

Taehyung or Chanyeol or anyone else the story is great.

 I will definitely be waiting until she realises Taehyungie's worth :( 

or maybe not then I'll just imagine that's how the story ended XD

Keep going it's great! 

end note/question: Okay so I have a question, I don't know if I missed something or If I just forgot but what happened when Chanyeol and Seri came in a very sus state (Hair messed and lipstick smeared) ?? Like what actually happened could you please tell me 

- Bunnyhyunqtae -