Xingyun School Angst au

Epilogue

Chongyun's Diary– October 9th

Today is Xigqiu's birthday. I'm doing a lot of things today. I read Xingqiu's favorite book series. I actually read it twice. I miss him so much. And I never told him. It was so sudden. I stopped by the cemetery as well. Xifuyu was there too. I guess neither of us said anything. We both knew what the other wanted. In my mind, I knew Xingqiu was gone. But in my heart, he was still there. Eating popsicles with me. Asking me to read the manga he wrote. Talking to me during lunch. Sticking notes in my locker. Living. Breathing.

Chongyun's POV

Xifuyu was at the door, which confused me. He was holding a basket and a blue envelope, addressed, "Yunyun." Oh God. "Xingqiu's last request... was that I give these to you on his birthday." he said. My breath hitched in my throat. I was speechless. Xifuyu left the basket on the table, the envelope in my hands. I opened it. Inside was a single piece of paper with a single word on it, two syllables long. Bookmark. I stared into the basket. All of Xingwiu's books were in there, one of them opened to a page with a ribbon bookmark inserted into it. Also on the page was a small slip of paper. It read: Dear Yunyun. Tears welled in my eyes. Stupid Qiu. Stupid Qiu and your stupid puzzles. I flipped the pages of each and every book to a page holding one of XIngqiu's ribbon bookmarks. Each of those pages held a slip of paper containing 3-4 words, or 5 if I got lucky. I put all of the pieces of paper together based on the page number I found them on. I knew Xingqiu would do it. And I got a letter.

Dear Yunyun,

Hello, Chongyun. It feels a bit weird, writing about my death to my best friend. Hopefully my father gave this to you on my birthday. If so, please thank him profusely for me. Everything I can think about you makes me happy. I'm happy to know that I was your best friend. Stupid Yunyun. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to leave you, I didn't want you to leave me. But I left anyway. I died, Yunyun.

I paused. Stupid Qiu, I know you didn't want to die. But why did you leave me?

I'm truly sorry, Yunyun. I learned I was going to die in the fifth grade. In the extremely near future, I mean. And I was scared. Then my mother and Xuqi died and I was suddenly terrified of doctors and hospitals. I avoided treatment for the first two years after being diagnosed. I think that's why. Why I died. I'm very irked with myself. But it cannot be altered.

Thank you for always staying at my side. Through everything. I'm sorry I lied. I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted to. Thank you for always being there. The book you gifted me... well, I never finished it. I read everything but the last four chapters. If you get the time, please visit me and tell me what happens. I hope you don't cry when you go. Please don't. I don't want Yunyun to cry. I know it has been a good while since I died. And my father has cried enough. I cried.. Writing this letter to you. I didn't know what to say. I knew I was dying. But I don't know how to say it. I'm very sorry.

You know me very well. I know you do. If you didn't, you wouldn't be reading this at all. You're also clever. Because you figured this out. I don't know what else to say. I hope you're happy. Don't be sad. Don't cry. For me. We'll meet again someday. I'm sorry.

The last pieces had been scribbled on a lot. The writing had been smudged, as if it were stained with tears.

I liked you. I still do. I love you, Yunyun.

-Xingqiu

I rested my hand on his name. Xingqiu. Stupid Xingqiu. Such an idiot. Stupid Idiot Xingqiu. Qiu. You didn't have to die on me. I love you too. You idiot.