Blue Heart

Chapter 3. The Blue Heart

I stare at the blue line of flowers in reaching distance. It looks like the perfect place to find my Lungwort roots tucked right beneath.

'In the blue heart of Blae haven, where your bones lay to rest...' the lullaby chimes in my ears again, 'Where forever-blue flowers can take you at last.'

I place a shaky hand over a tree beside me, silently pleading for guidance. The sea of blue is only a few steps ahead, but... I might have to walk over the flowers to dig for my roots. I'd have to step into Blaewen's heart to get what I want.

I bit my lips, torn with doubt and fear. Time is passing and each minute that ticks by, draws me closer to my brother's last breath. I can't return empty-handed, it would cost me too much, but... stepping over this line of blue could also seal my fate.

What good would come out of this, if I were to die in this forest? What good would come from my recklessness? My grandmother would lose both her grandchildren in one single swipe then.

Another cold gale sweeps through, bringing more eerie whispers ridden with warnings. Or is it just the branches grinding and making sounds as the wind pushes at them?

If the forest could speak, what would it say to me, I wonder...

Leave this place at once.

Stop with this foolish intent.

Go back to your home, you hopeless little girl...

But I am so close... salvation can be just a few steps ahead... The image of my weeping grandmother receiving the news of my death flashes inside my head, filling me with guilt and remorse. I can't do this to her. I have to act responsibly. I have to go back.

A second image of my brother lying in his bed, whimpering in pain and fever, makes me stop my retreat. Your brother needs you. He is counting on you. You know what you have to do. You have to be brave for him. Be brave for your family, Sian.

I jut my chin out and give a cautious step forward... and then I take another step and one more, and another. I don't stop when I reach the flowers. I breach the line of blue and walk straight into the heart of Blaewen. I only stop to kneel on the snow, looking like a castaway on a small island with a sea of Glory-of-the-snows circling all around me.

I look slowly around, eyes wide and scared, waiting for some sort of retaliation or punishment to befall me... but nothing comes.

Only a strange eerie silence looms over the blue heart as if even the wind is not allowed inside. There is no howling of cold gales or any creaks and grating from the trees anymore, no branches snapping and grinding against each other, or the constant murmur of trunks swaying and bending with the weight of their blankets made of snow.

There is no sound anywhere.

The forest has fallen into a mute state and I become incredibly aware of how loud I am breathing. I am a noisy, rude intruder, a reckless trespasser and it almost feels as if the forest is waiting – with bated breath – for the source of this disturbance to finally be ridden off.

I hold my breath, still waiting for monsters to come fetch me, but there's nothing here, only the cold, the silence, and the sharp strong fragrance of the flowers that take over and numb my senses, making me dizzy and slightly out of breath.

I blink out of my stupor, remembering why I am here. I must be quick now, and dig into this snow... it won't even take a minute, I think to myself, yanking my gloves off with my teeth. What I need is so close, I can almost picture the small precious roots hiding in the ground.

I start shoving the snow away, quickly reaching an air pocket and a softer ground that had been waiting patiently for me. My fingers began to feel numb with the cold as I desperately dig into the ground, trying to see any signs of my blessed roots, but I can't seem to find anything. I dig and I dig and there is nothing there.

I curse under my ragged breath and white clouds of hot air form in the air in front of me. My fingers are purple now, and my hands tremble on their own.

What am I even doing here? I'm going to freeze to death before I find anything worth using. I can barely feel my legs or my arms anymore, buried in all this dirt and snow. Cold is claiming my body inch by inch and every second I spend out here in this cursed forest is a second I have less of living. I want to curl up and rest for just a quick minute, but I know this minute will seal my fate because I won't be able to wake up from this freezing slumber. I have to find the strength in me to get up, and then walk back home.

Well, at least I tried, I say to myself as some sort of feeble consolation. I did my best, but there's nothing more I can do now, I have to give up.

Please forgive me, brother.

The eerie silence becomes strangely heavy, making the air around me thick and suffocating. I notice for the first time, ever since I've walked into the blue heart, the strangeness in the air and how wrong this silence feels.

'You shouldn't be here' a faint whisper warns inside my head.

I stand up abruptly and glance at the blue flowers closing on me from every side. Something feels wrong about this place. The smell of the flowers is too strong and nauseating and the scent begins to sip into my thoughts, turning them sluggish, distorted, and jumbled... The cold in the air sips deep into my soul, making me frozen to the bones.

I am in danger, I suddenly realize.

I have to get out of here.

...