Oh baby- thats gaslighting

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by barelyeloquent

by barelyeloquent

I keep wondering

if my feelings about this

are out of proportion.

It's only been three weeks or so ??
So I'm wondering if he at all feels any sort of way about our

situation thing.

Like was I any sort of significant?
Or am I just another girl he hooked up with a couple times
and that's all it was.

Then I think maybe not.
He did say that
'it wasn't usual for him to open up and truly be honest with other people like he did with me.'
He also said that
'honestly I was the only person in the area worth getting to know.'

But was he jumping the gun?
I wonder if he is thinking back to what he said and is thinking,
'ah but I said that ahead of turn, cuz later
she did this and this
and it freaked me out.'

Goddamnit
HAHAAHAJSJS FUCK
I'm very much inclined to believe this man. I don't think this is the same bullshit any other guy has told me just because it's what he thinks I want to hear.

I think that's what I really enjoy about this guy,
that he seems so HONEST
his confidence is found in the fact that he doesn't care what people think about him.
At least from what I've gathered.

Here's the thing tho
I'm a strong independent woman RIGHT?
I can do shit for myself.
I will always be able to take care of myself.
I DONT NEED ANYONE.
Right?
So why?
Why am I so hung up on this very new addition to my life.

Before May 2021 I did not know Griffin was actually an option to be someone's first name. I also knew like five less military abbreviations. I wouldn't be able to say it off the top of my head but aye I maybe could recognize them.
Anyway-
Whats the hang up here??
Because I'm pretty sure it's not about my own self worth anymore?

I know I'm hot, and to be really crude-
I know guys want to fuck me.
Not a huge flex. At all.
Men will literally fuck anything
but like ANYWAY
I'm getting pretty confident in myself as a whole
so i don't think?????
That I'm pegging my self worth on someone else????
Yet I still care what he thinks.

I thINK ITS CUZ I LIKE HIM BRO
I'm letting the opinion of a single person rule my thoughts. How dare I.
I literally make it a point to not give a fuck about what anyone thinks.
And here I am GIVING A FUCK
about ONE persons opinion.

Everyone's stupid and I just gotta do my own thing.

Or at least that's how I operated
Until I meet someone who is very fucking similar to me
And I start caring????????????
I'm really confident about the fact that I want to keep pursuing a connection with this person.
A relationship with this person.
But I'm really afraid to put in effort and get sidestepped 💀💀💀

I'm like 'oh hey here's my presence again ISNT that fun?'
And sometimes they're like 'meh'
And I'm OFFENDED LMAO
fuck tho

I think I'm really scared that his rejection is going to invalidate what I thought was a super deep connection.
It might just be that he felt something too and he was scared to continue anything and get hurt.
Or that it isn't significant to him really
OR that it really mattered.
I truly believe that he cares and that this was something deeper. So I'm going to manifest and put it out to the universe that this is something that I want and I just want him to know that it's valid to be scared and to be apprehensive.
I mean no malicious intent literally ever so I just.

Things will work out.
I don't chase, I attract what belongs to me shall simply find me
I don't chase I attract what belongs to me shall simply find its way back to me