If I should fall

twenty one

"Hi Evan." Zoe smiled sadly.

"Hey," Evan replied, hating himself for what he was about to do. But it had to be done. I choose Connor. "Should we walk?" Evan asked, gesturing towards the deserted trail.

Zoe nodded wordlessly, and they began ambling into the orchard. It was the first time the two of them had come here without Connor.

The silence was suddenly broken by Zoe. "Evan, I know why you came here." Evan turned to look at her, shocked. "Before you do, I just wanna say... I'm so sorry about Friday. And I'm so sorry about you and Connor. You miss him, don't you?" she asked softly.

Evan nodded, suddenly all too aware of a lump in his throat. "I'm so sorry, Zoe. But this... us.... it can't work," he whispered. 

She nodded and tried to smile, putting on a brave face despite everything.

"The thing is Zoe... to me you're the perfect girl. I mean even now..." Evan trailed off, taking a deep breath to compose himself. "I was so lucky to have been given a shot with you. I need you to understand that. But Connor is.... Connor......" Another deep breath. Come on, Evan. "I wanted you, Zoe. But I need Connor. I need him. And I think he needs me too."

Zoe nodded and gave him a watery smile, furiously wiping a tear off her face. "He does need you. You two need each other. I guess I just got in the way of that."

Evan didn't know what to say. So he stared at the ground.

"Evan?" Zoe asked quietly. "I still care about you. And I care about my brother, as well. I've never hung out with my brother as much as when we were together. So please... can we stay friends? For Connor?"

Evan turned to her and looked her in the eyes.

"No."

Zoe's face fell, and she turned away.

"Zoe. I want to stay friends with you for us. Because I really like you. And I like hanging out with you. And I don't want to keep you in my life just for Connor, I want to keep you in my life because I want you in it," Evan said softly.

Zoe was definitely crying now, pushing the tears away as soon as they hit her face. "Thanks Evan. That means a lot to me. And also... thanks for our time together. Even though it was short, it was really great."

Evan nodded. "It was for me, too." They walked on a bit further.

"Evan, if it's alright, I think I need some alone time. I might stay here for a bit," Zoe said, looking around the orchard. "And I mean..." she smiled softly. "You have a boy to chase."

They laughed, and it was bittersweet for both of them. Evan held out his arms, pulling her in for a hug. Zoe clung onto him, trying to capture the moment before it disappeared for ever. Looking up, she kissed him one last time. It wasn't really romantic at all, but it was closure, and they both needed it. So Evan kissed her back.

***

Evan stood in front of the same front door he'd stood in front of a couple days prior, trying to summon up the courage to knock. 

He waited.

And he waited. 

In total, he stood on the Murphy's doorstep for about ten minutes before moving at all. Then, summoning up all his strength from within, he knocked twice. Did he need to knock a third time? No. Two was enough.

Evan only had to wait a couple seconds before the door was flung open by Connor. Evan tried to speak, but he didn't have time: the moment Connor had seen Evan on the doorstep, he slammed the door shut.

Now that Evan knew he was here, he couldn't let Connor go. He hammered on the door repeatedly, calling out Connor's name, until he saw a silhouette reappear behind the door. 

"Connor, please! I have to talk to you! I have to," Evan yelled, knocking non-stop on the door. Finally, it was opened.

"Evan, what do you want?" Connor asked angrily. He looked ready to slam the door at any moment. 

Gathering up all his courage, Evan took a step closer, stood on his tiptoes so he was at eyelevel with Connor, and took a deep breath. "I want you." 

And he did what he'd been longing to do, pressed his lips to Connor's and kissed him passionately. 

For a while, Connor kissed him back. Then, remembering suddenly everything that had happened, Connor shoved him backward. Hard. Evan stumbling backwards, managing to regain his balance just in time. He was hurt, but he couldn't cry. After how he'd hurt Connor, he couldn't cry. Don't cry, Evan. Don't cry don'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcry...

"Go away, Evan," Connor sounded tired. "Just leave me alone." He went to close the door again, but Evan reached out and grabbed it. 

"Connor, please just listen to me!" Evan begged. Connor raised an eyebrow, but he stayed where he was. "I broke up with Zoe."

Connor rolled his eyes. "I told you, I don't care. I DON'T CARE, OK??" he shouted. 

Evan forced himself to stay composed. "Well I do," he whispered, just loud enough for Connor to hear. Connor couldn't hide his surprise. He didn't seem as angry, though, so Evan continued.

 "I care about you more than I've cared about anyone else in my life. And yeah, I made a mistake. I screwed up, I screwed up badly, I know that. But we're all human, and I'm trying to fix it now. If you want to hold it against me, then I get it. I don't deserve your forgiveness, I get that. Believe me, I do. I just want you to know where I really stand, without the lies. I need you, Connor. I need you and I want you. And I'm not stopping until I get you, because you're worth fighting for." Evan looked up at the boy in front of him, amazed that he'd managed all that without stuttering.

Connor seemed to be thinking about what he'd said, turning it round over and over again in his mind. Suddenly he nodded; he'd come to a decision. 

"I want you too," he began, holding out both his hands to Evan, who took them gently. "But... I want you... with strings attached this time." He looked down at their entwined hands. Evan blushed and smiled.

"Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?"

Connor pulled him in and kissed him sweetly, smiling into it. 

"Of course I am."

Evan threw his arms around Connor, burying his face in the familiar smoky smell. Connor noticed that he was hanging off his tiptoes and so he lifted him up, Evan wrapping his legs round his waist. Evan hugged him as if he would never let go. After all, it hadn't been easy. But his choice had been made. Connor. Always Connor.

A/N: ahhhhh I'm so happy! By the way, sorry about the previous chapter. It was short and awful I know, but I just needed a filler before I could write this one. Hopefully this chapter made up for it? I hope you guys like reading this as much as I love writing it. Thank you always for reading. <3