The borderlands... and him || Alice In Borderland

So... what now?

Not much happens after I realise they're gone. I don't remember walking to the bed but I do remember the tears sliding silently down my face, wetting the pillow. I don't remember the sun setting and then rising again, but I do remember seeing the clock that showed that it's currently 9AM. I don't know how long it's been raining, but I know that it hasn't stopped since I got into bed. 

Why did Arisu and Karube go? They had days left on their visas, they didn't have to go. If they had stayed here with me they would've survived. Chota... he would be gone, but I wish with all my heart that I had one of them here with me right now. Why didn't I go with them? Maybe we would've all made it out alive if I was there... 

Don't be stupid, you would've just died with the rest of them. I wish I'd been there. I don't deserve to be alive if they're gone. They were all such good people, way better than I ever could be. They deserve to be alive. If anyone has to die I wish it was me. I get off the bed and lie on the ground instead. I don't deserve to be this comfortable, in a building and under covers while they're dead. What game did they play? Why did it kill them? My 'psychic' nightmare is already fading away, the details vague. Today's Thursday. I'd arrived at the borderlands on Monday. They died two days ago. Why didn't I try harder to convince them that they should stay, or be more careful? I don't deserve to be alive. I'm so hungry. And thirsty. And tired. I would step off the top of a building right now but I'm too tired to do anything. Maybe i'll die of thirst. That would be funny. Then I'd see them again. I'd be with them. I'd be happy. 

———————————

It becomes too much to bare. I pull myself up and find some water. I feel like a mess. You should eat something too. Huh. The voice inside my head was being nice today. That was new. I walk over to the table with the 4 other cups of instant noodles. I want to cry but I'm so tired I can't. The noodles are soggy from being left out so long. And cold. The rain stopped. After I finish eating, I sit there, staring at nothing. I don't know how long I'm there before I hear,

"I'm gonna go look for the condoms! I'll be right-"

"NO WE DON'T NEED CONDOMS!"

"I mean... you're blushing really hard, maybe he does need to go get the condoms. Just in case." I look towards the stairs. Who's there? A guy makes his way up the stairs that Karube had walked up that day before they left. He has bleached white blond hair that flops over his forehead and nearly into his eyes. He's also wearing a blue shirt with oranges patterned on it. He reminds me a little of Karube and it hurts. As soon as he's all the way up the stairs, he sees me and suddenly stops. 

"Woah," he says, swiftly reaching for a small knife in the back pocket of his jeans. He instinctively brought it up in front of his chest. He brought it down a little bit when he realised I wasn't going to attack him. "I uh, I don't mean any harm. I'm just here looking for stuff with my friends. Food and that kinda thing you know?" I wish he'd go away. I stare at him for another 2 seconds before going back t o staring at nothing. "Um," he continues. I would tell him to leave me alone but I can't be bothered. I'm so tired. So sick of life. If I ignore him long enough I'm sure he'll leave me  alone. "I'm Niko. Who are you?" He's still standing in the stairway. I keep staring at nothing, pretending I don't hear him. "Are- are you ok?" He cautiously steps closer, holding the knife out in case I decide to suddenly attack. Hah. He doesn't need to worry about that. I ignore him until he's right next to me. 

"Leave me alone." 

"Were you crying?" 

"Go away" 

"What happened? Why are you here all alone?" From the corner of my eye I can see he fully lowers his knife and looks at the table with the 4 cups of noodles. 3 of them still have food in them. It's nothing but a reminder that they're not coming back. Tears slide down my face again. I don't care about anything anymore. They were all I had. Life isn't worth living if they aren't there with me. "Oh." He says, lowering the knife "did they..." 

"I..." my throat feels dry and my voice breaks, "I should've been with them. I should be dead too." It's hard to talk. 

"Um... my best friend. He killed himself not that long ago. And i know this is probably the shittiest way to try to relate to whatever you've gone through. But whenever I feel like i deserve to be dead too, i think about the things we'd planned to do in the future. All the things he'd promised we'd do together." His voice goes quieter, and he steps a little closer to me, his leg touching the table, "i have to live for both of us now." He seems to snap out of a haze, his eyes flicking over to look at mine, "sorry I went so off track there, but what I'm saying is that even though they're dead, they're never really gonna be gone, you know? I'm sure you'll never forget them and when we get out of this living hell, you should live on for them. You look like you're my age, and we still have ages ahead of us. So many experiences we haven't...you know, experienced." I look at him. He gives a lopsided smile, "sorry for getting so deep, hah, normally I'm not like that but you seemed like you needed some advice and-"

"Nikoo! What's taking you so long? Sato and I are done! There's nothing else here that we need right now." The female voice comes from downstairs, where Niko had walked up from, "if you're so desperate to get condoms just grab them and go!" Niko turned to face the staircase,

"I'm trying to find the extra extra large! I don't know if they have it in stock you know?" When he looks back over at me, he rolls his eyes, but theres a smile on his face. "I love getting on their nerves. It's always so funny." I smile a little. He doesn't seemed embarrassed at all to be talking about getting condoms in front of a stranger and I'm surprised at how chill he seems to be. 

"Niko hurry the fuck up." The same voice repeats. He smiles at me again,

"As you can probably tell, I gotta go." He sticks his thumb over his shoulder like he's pointing at the girl downstairs. "Good luck and maybe see you again sometime?" I nod,

"Yeah. Maybe we'll see each other again sometime." His words replay in my mind. They're never really gone.

"I'm counting on it." Still have ages ahead of us.

He gives one more quick wave before running back down to level 6. 

"What took you so long?" I can hear them talking, even from here. 

"I was looking for the condoms, I already told you." 

"Did you end up getting them though?" Another voice, softer than the first female voice, asked.

"Nup, I couldn't find the extra extra large. And we all know nothing else will fit so..."

"Niko?" The first voice says.  

"Yeah?" I can hear the smugness in his voice. 

"Shut the fuck up." I laugh at that. "Let's go." 

I sit there and listen as they walk away until i can't hear them anymore. Live on for them. Experiences we haven't experienced. 

Living on for them...I can do that. I know what I need to do now. Figure out who set up all these games, and kill them. I can do that too.