1 𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑝 𝑓𝑜𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑑, 3 𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑝𝑠 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘... 𝚃𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗 𝙳𝚞𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚢

o n e

i watched the movers unload the last of our stuff and tuck it inside. hartford, connecticut. a place so different from my exciting busy life in encino, california. a new chapter was about to begin, no idea of what it holds.

my parents came and went as they pleased. their jobs being to busy and hard to make enough time for me. well let me rephrase that, my fathers job. my mother was a preppy little trophy wife that spent her weekends in the bahamas and her week days in europe.

i despise my mother. she forced me into everything, she gave me mental illnesses and eating disorders, she took away time i can never get back.

back in california my mother would judge me, she would watch what i ate. at first i figured it had something to do with keeping me in shape for ballet.

she never realized that it was all her fault. her snarky comments about my body in a bathing suit to changing the whole meal plans so i wouldn't gain more weight. she was obsessed with the way i looked.

at one point it got so bad that i was sent away, for 3 weeks i sat in a facility with other suffers. bulimia and anorexia took over my life and became who i was. i was falling into a deep hole, not being able to climb out.

"did you find your room ok lilith?" my mothers voice rang from behind me, i turned away from the window.

"yes mom, it is very beautiful thank you" i gave her a smile.

"i knew you would just love it, go get settled in, the chef said dinner will be done around seven" she smiled back.

i slowly walked up the stairs to my room. the walls were white, boxes lined the floor. i began to unpack, taking out my paintings from one box, i began to hang them up on the white walls that surrounded me.

my room housed a queen sized bed with a white quilted head board and a couch that was made to match. the closet was to big and the bathroom had to much room. none of these houses ever felt like home.

i couldn't tell you the reason why we moved, maybe it was because of my dads job or because of everyone finding out about my eating disorders. they never told me and probably never will.

that's how sinclairs live,

no wrong, only right
always perfect, nothing out of place

whenever something bad happens we run away.

the dining table was long, i sat on one side with my older brother, my younger sister sat across from us. my parents sat at the ends, my father at the head of the table.

i sat there and stared at my food, trying not to cry. food has become my biggest fear, which is scary because it was once my love.

when i was around twelve i would bake for hours on end but as soon as i got into highschool everything changed, i was a different person because of her.

"vincent, lilith, are you guys excited to start at chilton tomorrow?" my fathers voice broke the silence.

"ah yes very, seems like a very good school, i am looking forward to meeting new people as well" vinnie spoke from next to me. i never took my eyes off my plate.

"lilith?" my father spoke once more.

"lilith malahika answer your father, don't be rude" my mother joined in.

"may i be excused?" tears threatened at the back of my eyes.

"no, we are here as a family so we must eat together, like a family does" my mother spoke once more, starting to become furious.