tw: mentions of self harm
requested by: myself
this is my coping mechanism bc therapy costs money but camilo fanfics are free
literally all that happens is camilo finds out y/n self harms and comforts him
this is romantic but ig you could read it as platonic
(this is very based on me so sorry if you don't like y/n in this)
"camilo you are the dumbest person i've ever met" i laughed
"what? it's true" he chuckled and layed down on his bed
"your entire brain thought that would be a good idea?"
"well yeah, what was i using? one braincell?"
"seems like it sometimes" i smiled and leaned off the side of his bed, with my head upside down
(bro for some reason i'm so shaky, cold and nervous help me lmao)
my shirt lifted up but i paid no mind to it, the waistband of my trousers was up to my waist anyways.
"y/n.." camilo said
i sat back up and looked at him, "what? you okay?"
"are you okay?" he looked concerned
i started feeling a little nervous and my heartrate rised.
"yeah, why do you ask?"
"your stomach, i saw a cut" he moved slightly towards me
my eyes widened a bit and i became really nervous.
"it was my dog, it's just a scratch" i attempted to lie
"how would your dog scratch your stomach?"
"uhh.." tears came to my eyes
"y/n..." he frowned
"it's just a scratch" i said in an almost whisper
"come here" he whispered and held his arms out. i crawled into his arms and started shaking, crying uncontrollably.
"it's just a scratch" i whispered
"i know what it is" he held me as tight as he could
"i'm sorry"
"don't be sorry"
i cried into his shoulder for a bit and eventually i calmed down a bit.
"y/n can you show me?" he asked softly
i nodded my head and lifted up my shirt slighty and pulled my trousers down to my hip to reveal different cuts and scars. lots were in different directions and some were a few weeks old, the most recent from last night.
after a minute of looking camilo put my shirt back down and hugged me again.
"why?" he asked
"i'm stupid. i'm ugly. i hate myself, i deserve this" i said the first things that came to mind
"y/n you are not stupid. you are amazing and kind. you're the best person i know. you don't deserve any pain at all" at this i started breaking down, camilo eventually laid back and held me while i cried. i gripped his shirt and held my face near my hands whilst camilo stroked my hair.
"please don't tell anyone. i can't.." i begged
"i won't tell anyone if you don't want me to. but i'm gonna help you"
"you can't. i'm unsavable. whenever they fade i need to do it again because otherwise my pain isn't valid. i know it sounds stupid but it's why i can't stop"
"y/n i'm not giving up on you, i'm gonna help you" he grabbed my chin and moved my head so be could look me in the eyes
"don't waste your time"
"helping you isn't a waste of time, i hate seeing you in pain. the least i can do is help" he wiped my tears
"thank you" i muttered and hid my head in his neck.
we stayed in silence for a few minutes.
"it itches" i whispered
"what?"
"it itches so badly. i hate it, i wish it didn't happen. and it hurts so bad too. especially when my clothes rub against it. i don't want this but i can't stop" i sobbed
"it's okay, i'm here. i'll protect you. you're safe with me" he rubbed my back to comfort me
"don't let go of me" i whispered
"i never will" he whispered back
we stayed like that until we both fell asleep. somebody must have told my parents not to take me home, because they let me stay over. however, just before i fell asleep i heard camio whisper something he thought i couldn't hear.
"i love you, y/n"
a/n
thank you for reading
parts of that turned turned a bit into me venting whoops
hey irl friends please don't tell anybody about this because that will just make it worse. if you're worried, just come talk to me <3
and if any of you guys are struggling just know you are amazing and worth everything in the world. feel free to vent to me anytime
last night i had a mental breakdown to good old fashioned lover boy by queen
anyways, see you on the next one
-arlo :]
(795 words)
