Poems from the darkness

I cry

I cry all the time, for reasons known only to me and for no reason at all.

I cry when I see a mother walk by with her baby, holding the child in her arms as if she were the only treasure she cares for.
I cry with jealousy because I wish it was me holding her little chubby hand and calling her my little doll.
I cry when she stops in her tracks and bends down her head, planting a kiss as gentle as butterfly wings.
I wipe my tears quickly away, ashamed of my own emotions.

I cry when I sit down for a cup of tea and conversation with the old lady who comes into the cafe once a week.
I cry voicelessly when she tells me her sad, tragic story and about all the horrors of this world, but of the horrors of humankind as well.
I cry when she smiles at me with a gentle yet strong smile, telling me to be brave and to continue being as kind as I am.
She wipes a single tear from my eye, and we switch the conversation to something happier.

I cry with happiness when an old friend of mine tells me her good news, the best she and her husband had in half a decade.
I cry with joy when she tells me her plans for the future and how she plans to design the room for their oncoming joy.
I cry and hold her hands when she tells me all the things they went through to finally be where they are, but she also tells me her worries and fears.
This time it is my turn to squeeze her hands and calm her, assure her that everything will be fine and that they are finally blessed.

I cry when a patron tells horrible lies about me, calling me things that are too mean and horrible to copy onto paper.
I cry with anger as I scream at him even more horrible things, words coming out of the depths of my lungs and soul, just like the tears rolling from my eyes.
I cry and scream at him, "You will NOT make a thief out of me!" when he accuses me of things I would never do.
The other patrons of the cafe stand up from their tables and drive him away never to come back, while others stand by my side to tell me calming words of reassurance.

I cry with gratefulness when the truth finally comes out and my name is cleared from all the lies someone's jealousy and mean nature tried to put on me.
I cry because of the uncertainty of my life, as everything I managed to create this far could crumble to dust with a single wrong move.
I cry tears of relief when everything finally falls onto its place, and life continues as before.
When left all alone with my thoughts once more, I sit on the cold floor and try to figure out what did I even do to deserve such things in life.

I cry when I see a silly video of a child getting a kitten or puppy for the first time in their life.
I cry as they cry from happiness and gratefulness, their little squeaky voice asking their parents if they can keep the baby animal forever and ever.
I cry when the child hugs the animal to their little chest, tears of joy streaming down their face as they kiss the tiny animal on the head and promise to love it forever.
My black kitten looks at me with worry and curls up by my side, not knowing why I suddenly burst into tears and not knowing how to console me but with his loud purring.

And I cry, I cry and cry.

I cry all the time, for reasons known only to me and for no reason at all.