Along the way, I love you

PROLOGUE:

There was a time in my life I can remember so specifically, I was setting in the classroom, 8th grade year when the teacher asked "what do you wanna be when you grow-up?" instant sweating, heart beating, I didn't know what to say so my mind was racing when I told her I didn't know...she was very okay with the answer, but to be honest I wasn't. Elementary school was easy, Marine biology was the answer to everything, being able to help and study marine life was my thing. Here I am now staring down my English teacher as she's asking me 3 years later what I wanna be. Let's flashback, in kindergarten, we want to be a princess, an astronaut, a space ship conductor, but me? My answer was always science, reading printed data, creating hypothesis, whatever you can think of and honestly, it was logical and the teacher had more hopes sometimes than I did. Something I can't remember though is when I lost interest in the fact that science itself has so much factual information that I kept myself away from my own insecurity of not being "smart" enough, and I know how dumb and uncommonly it makes no sense. by 2010 my grandmother passed away with the thought of knowing how, tore me apart....Alzheimer's disease. let's stare into that word for just a minute and realize how much power that word has on a person, literally. The fascination came about when I wanted to know how Alzheimer's effected the brain the way it did...suddenly it wasn't very long when I started to notice that the most important man in my life got in contact with the disease. My grandaddy. He was the one I looked up to the most and I can say he's made the spark I have today in doing what I wanna do with my career. Because of him I have been able to meet some extra great people along the way. My grandaddy fought so hard to be here as long as he could. He is someone still to this day I try to make proud and with some of the very special people I've gotten to know along the way I am so grateful to sill see some of him, in them. This isn't meant to be a fairytale but an inspiration to those of my wonderful beings I've had the honor of caring for and getting to know making some of them in same way a grandparent though love from them and their families.

Chapter One: The very first day on the job

This day started out pretty much like any other day, I am a junior in high school, going to college to get my credits for senior year, because that's the one thing I'm looking forward to. Definitely the one thing that matters in my life right now. I've just started working at the nursing home I'm doing clinicals for part time while going to school. "we are getting a new admission." says the girl who is most eager to go home "don't ask me when, she was already supposed to be here." the sour expression and the aggression in her voice sounded like she really didn't care what questions I had, she just wanted to go home. I continued doing what was expected of me. Feeding, bathing, dressing, etc...after all there's not much for me considering that one piece of paper that I need to qualify me for the job, I don't have right now. Then, she arrives, she seems happy, confused "I know what that means." I thought to myself. She told us about herself, where she was from the best she could remember, her head shaved, biggest blue eyes you could ever imagine on someone. It didn't take long for the nurses to notice something was off and she was here to (in their blunt ass words) DIE. Does anyone know how much I hate these words? People die here? I knew they were just trying to scare me, but were they really? The thought of someone passing away scared me, but I did a good job not showing my feelings at work.

Time passes more fast than I can count, I know my days with her are numbered, just as every patient on my floor that I'm caring for. But for some reason, every passing day with her was more special than the next. The thought of caring for someone, who is sleeping and will never wake-up, to hug the family and say " I'm sorry for your loss, we kept her/him as comfortable as possible. It's so much pressure, to stand in a crowded room with loved ones around a sleeping body in a bed. Nurses care, others don't. CNA's like the one I'm striving to be weep in the hallways over the good memories and time, its a ticking time bomb. Weeks pass with her and things seem off and on literally like a light switch. " We have changed your schedule, this is called one-on-one." it's for people to have someone with them constantly, she can't be alone, she cant be trusted, "tell her to sit, tell her to eat!" they demand. I lower my head and nod "She's not a dog!" I want to shout at them. We had a goodnight, playing games and getting to know one another, sometimes I'm other people to her sometimes she doesn't even know who I really am. She laughed with me through the night until we went to sleep and slept off and on. Most nights, the nightmares we more than something someone should ever have to go though, She tells me about her dreams of dying, she tells me about the son I've never seen, she tells me what she wishes for and I tell her about school, what homework I'm working on and how I'm dreading the quiz coming up on Friday. We both talk everyday about the pending results of my nurses exam. "I have so much faith in you." she tells me this with a smile everyday.