I Look To You

The Beginning of the End

I sat in the car and slammed the door as hard as I could. I frowned deeply, I really didn't want to go on holiday with mom and her new boyfriend. "Jade!" I heard my mom say, I spun and stared at her. She brushed her hair out of her eyes and clicked her seatbelt into place. "You'll love Devin's lake house! It's gorgeous, just gorgeous." I sighed again and looked at my boots. Devin got in and started the engine, the radio clicked on and upbeat piano music began to play, I rolled my eyes and sighed, sinking lower into my seat.

A few miles on I sighed again, playing on my phone and trying to tune out my mom singing 'Walking on Sunshine' for the third time in a row. Devin kept touching mom's leg, I tried to ignore it but I could sense it, he wouldn't stop touching her. I frowned and glanced back at my phone, we've been in the car for the decent majority of the hour. I couldn't take much more of it. He leaned over again and she smiled at him. "Oh, get a room." I remarked, my mom turned and gave me a look. "What?" I baited. "He's practically drooling at you, it's dangerous! Tell him to pay attention to the road!" My mom laughed and smiled. "Give your dad a break! He can't help it!" she laughed. That's when I felt it. The burning anger. I never meant to shout but it was already happening too fast. "Don't you DARE compare him to my dad! He'll never be him! Dad killed himself to get away from you, and right now, I don't blame him!" I screamed. Mom looked hurt, her face sunk, I can't even describe the pain and agony in her face. It's the last thing I saw, before the truck hit.

The next thing I know there is a strong hand gripping my shoulder. "Hey, Jade? Can you hear me?" I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't move. I felt him place a hand on each of my underarms, my legs limp. I faded in and out of consciousness for the next few minutes. I could feel how hot my hands were, my head was white hot. The pain was nearly unbearable, it was throbbing. "No pupil dilation, but a strong heartbeat." I felt myself fading out again, all I could hear were incoherent voices and sirens.

I woke up in the hospital. I could hear steps, scraping, banging, and voices from loud to hushed. I was confused, my eyes were dark, I couldn't see anything. Slowly I tried to sit up. That's when it hit, the pain in my head. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. I laid back and tried to remember how I got here. The memories came flooding back, the lights, the noise, the heat, my mom. My words echoed in my head "I don't blame him.". I was angry at myself, I knew what I had said was spiteful, I didn't mean it. "Mom?" I yelled, I couldn't hear her response. "Mom?" I tried to sit up again, slower this time, I adjusted myself and reached up to my face. I felt a bandage wrapped over my eyes. "Hello?" I heard a creak come from the left of me. "Hello?" I echoed. "Hi, my name is Dr Lillian Tara, you are currently in Michigan General Hospital. Am I right in saying that I am speaking with Jade West?" I tried to speak, but my throat was closing in on me, so I nodded instead. "Okay, well hi Jade, how are you feeling?" I heard her ask, I hesitated. "Where is my mom?" I asked. Scared of the answer, I braced myself. I heard her breathing hitch. "Um, well there was an accident and Mr Devin Morris was unfortunately killed upon the impact of a truck to the driver's door, and Ms Theresa West was severely injured on impact and in the car fire that followed." I was holding my breath. I could feel tears welling in my eyes. "Subsequently, Ms West suffered third degree burns over a majority of her body. I am sorry to say that she was also pronounced dead at the scene.

I went numb, my ears were ringing and the next thing I know I was screaming. "Mom! I'm so sorry! It was all my fault! I didn't mean it." The tears were running down my cheeks and I couldn't stop them. I was clutching my chest. "I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it. I promise. Please come back mom. I love you. I love you so much." I couldn't breathe, I could feel a weight on my shoulders, my head was pounding and I was gasping.

After about three hours I was woken by a nurse. "Jade, honey, we have some medicine for you." I sat up and reached out. I felt a paper cup touch my fingertips, I took the tablets from the inside of the cup and took a sip of water. "Can I speak to a doctor?" I mustered, I heard the nurse breathe deeper. "Of course, honey. I can get doctor Evans for you?". I shook my head. "Can I speak to doctor Tara? The one from before?" I asked tentatively. I didn't want to be seen by more people than I had to, I already felt like an animal on show. "Yes, honey, I'll page her now."

"Hi Jade, what is it you'd like to discuss?" I heard Dr Tara ask as she shut the door. I loosened my shoulders slightly. "Yeah, uh, I was wondering about my injuries? What -uh- what happened to me?" I heard the doctor exhale and sit close to me on the bed. "Jade, you experienced lots of blunt force trauma, the car was crushed and the firemen had to cut you out, it's a miracle you're alive. Unfortunately, you have lost your sight. Your eye, the right one, was impaled by a long shard of glass, in which you endured extensive surgery to remove. We couldn't save your sight. I'm truly sorry. We've organised you to see a therapist and a social worker for you, and a tutor, to help you adjust to life with your new disability and to help you with your grievances." The doctor finished. I smiled weakly. "Thank you for everything." I lowered myself down and heard the doctor leave the room. Only when I was alone did I begin to sob.
I was crying for what seemed like hours, over the things I'll never get to see again and the things I've never seen. I felt like this was a cruel punishment for something, an evil form of karma. I cried until I ran out of tears and then I sat for a while. I felt a simmering anger rise in my chest. The type of anger that burns like a fuelled fire, and never goes away, it just dims.