Slow Sparks

Chapter 2

Bonnie's point of view:

I made it all the way to the car before tears started to fall. When I'd first walked in, I'd been angry, absolutely livid. How could he do that to me? Why would he do that to me? I let him do whatever he wanted to me in bed. My sex drive was higher than his, but now that I thought about it, maybe that was because he'd actually been having more sex than I had... just not with me.

I needed an STD test. As soon as possible.

I felt gross, violated.

I'd seen his naked cock. He'd been screwing her without a condom, just like he did me. I let him because I trusted him, thought we were in a mutually committed relationship. I had a friend, Flower—yes, Flower—she grew up on a commune and was the most sexually free person I had ever met. She was polyamorous and was in a relationship that involved four people, her, another woman and two men, all loving each other equally. I was aware that monogamy was a social construct, but just like polyamory, it was a valid one, as long as everyone taking part was on the same page. What wasn't valid was one person unilaterally deciding that monogamy wasn't for them and cheating. Consent and communication. That was the difference in what he'd done to me.

And if he wanted that, fine for him, but I would have ended things. I was far too jealous of a person to share. I wanted to be the centre of my partner's world. Was it a little realistic? Maybe. Was it selfish? Probably. But that's what I gave, and I wouldn't settle for anything less than that being given to me.

I pulled away from the curb and started driving towards my dad's house. I had nowhere else to go, nowhere else I wanted to go. I couldn't call him and tell him, not when I was still this upset, but I'd need to tell him I was coming home before I got there. He'd be so happy to see me.

He loved Christopher like a son. I'd need to break the news gently.

I blinked back tears while I drove, not wanting the salty water to cloud my vision while I drove.

The last few months played in my head. I was content for a long engagement, not wanting to rush our decisions or even in a hurry to get married since we were still young, but Christopher had pushed at every turn, begged me for next weekend's trip to look at potential venues.

Why would he do that if he was cheating? Why would he even want to get married if he was getting some on the side? Was Carly the only one? Were there others? Did he rotate through the women in his training group?

My heart hurt, physically ached. I didn't know how I'd been able to keep it together while I packed my belongings, while both of them just stood there naked.

I drove for about thirty minutes before I pulled off the highway and stopped at a gas station. There's been a sign for a Jimmy John's, and I could use a comfort sandwich and cookie. That was the thing about intuitive eating, and one of the most important things I tried to each my clients—you can feed both your soul and nourish your body without bingeing, cutting out entire groups of food, and maintain your health. Chips and cookies were allowed. Full stop. No because, no when, no if. Full stop.

I filled my car up with gas, paying at the pump before driving across the street to the Jimmy John's. It had a drive-through which I'd never seen before, but I didn't like to eat and drive, so I parked my car and went inside. I ordered a sandwich, making it a meal and adding a cookie with my chips. I filled my cup with diet soda because I liked it better than regular, not because it had fewer calories. And when my sandwich was done, I sat in a booth and ate every single piece of food in front of me because I needed to fuel my body and it tasted good.

Once I finished, I threw my garbage away before climbing back into the car. I was only an hour and a half from Dad's now, but I didn't want to go straight there. I needed a day or two to myself to get my thoughts in order before I faced him—faced anyone.