Being gifted actually sucks @ss

Encanto

I must say, movies don't quickly make me cry. However, I watched Encanto yesterday and it made the floodgates in my eyes open wide.

In case you've been living under a rock and haven't watched this new Disney/Pixar movie yet, I'll update you quickly on what it's about, because it's really important for context. OBVIOUS SPOILERS AHEAD.

Encanto is about the family Madrigal, the eldest of which, Abuela, had received a miracle fifty years before the main events of the story. This miracle granted her children and grandchildren unique gifts, which she says should be used for the greater good of their community. Only the story's protagonist, Mirabel, hasn't received a gift.

However, this writing isn't about Mirabel, it's about her gifted family members. Because yes, they have been blessed with amazing abilities, however, the responsibilities and pressure that come with these gifts are destroying them mentally. Mirabel's sister Luisa has an entire song about this pressure, her other sister Isabella feels this constant pressure to be perfect and people-pleasing. Her aunt's gift is a physical representation of her emotions, meaning when she gets upset, the weather gets affected. This can vary from a light drizzle to a hurricane, and because her emotions affect those around her negatively, she feels that she must suppress them (which is very unhealthy). Her uncle Bruno has distanced himself from the family because his gift (seeing the future) was perceived negatively by the rest of the family and community. Mirabel's cousin Dolores's gift is hearing, meaning she hears every little whispered secret, putting the huge responsibility of keeping those secrets on her.

In conclusion, those "gifts" aren't really gifts at all, since the ones possessing them suffer huge negative consequences. THIS IS A DIRECT REPRESENTATION/MIRRORING OF WHAT IT'S LIKE TO GROW UP "GIFTED".

Whenever I talk or write about my "giftedness" I put it in quotation marks, because I feel like it's not a gift at all, but more like a curse. Sure, I'm really intelligent, which is nice for society to benefit from, however, with giftedness come so many side effects that people don't like to talk about. 

First of all, giftedness is a neurodivergence (meaning a different brain development than the norm. Other examples include ASD, ADHD, BPD, dyslexia/dyscalculia etc.). The thing about neurodivergence is that there's a really high comorbitity rate, meaning that if you have one, you have about a 60% chance that you have more. Same goes for me. On top of my giftedness, I'm also autistic, and that was missed for nineteen years because I did well in school thanks to my giftedness. The trauma of an undiagnosed neurodivergency is a whole other barrel that I won't be diving into now, but other mental issues being missed because you're gifted is the first huge downside. What's more, gifted individuals often feel a lot of need to hide their other mental illnesses BECAUSE their giftedness is a blessing for those around them and opening up about things they struggle with would mean being a burden while they're supposed to support and carry. In Encanto, this is clearly seen in Luisa, who breaks down once Mirabel questions if she's truly happy serving their community or overworking herself for the benefit of others. Her aunt Pepa is another good example since she suppresses her emotions as to not bother others.

So these expectations leave gifted kids struggling even more mentally because they're less likely to reach out for help and take proper care of themselves. People-pleasing behaviours and perfectionism are really common (represented in the movie by Isabella), however, research has shown that the more intelligent some is, the more likely they are to suffer from mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. So gifted kids suffer more often from mental illnesses, but they're overlooked and therefore not treated because they prestate well due to their perfectionism, pleasing, high intelligence and creativity.

I need to come back to the expectations people have of gifted individuals. Gifted people are often perceived positively, too positively if you ask me. There seems to be the stereotype that we're super smart, geniuses, can do anything. We're expected to be successful and do great things in life. This is something that I also heard a lot throughout my childhood. Parents (both my own and other parents)were proud of my academic achievements. I wanted to keep them proud, but inevitably, I crashed mentally, failed a school year, felt like I disappointed everyone. I made it through secondary, but now I'm burnt out. I have no idea what I want to do. No idea where my interests lie and what I want to study or do for work. And that's gnawing at me on the inside BECAUSE I've been told and now believe that I can and should do great things. I now believe that if I don't, it's a waste of my intelligence. "I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service." A direct quote from Encanto that represents quite well how I feel about this situation. I feel like I'm wasting time and wasting my life.

At the beginning I said I wasn't going to talk about Mirabel. I take those words back. Because currently, I do feel like Mirabel. Most people around me, old schoolfriends, are studying, socialising, they seem to thrive. And then there's me. Lacking. Staying behind. No purpose or goals. Not succeeding. No gift. And seeing others doing so much better than me reinforces that awful feeling that I'm wasting my "gift" and not fulfilling any purpose.

I think I wrote most of what I wanted to write about this whole Encanto situation. In short, being "gifted" may benefit someone's community or society, but there's many more negative side effects for the "gifted" individual that outsiders don't see.

- Higher likelyhood of comorbidities with other neurodivergencies.

- Higher likelyhood of mental illnesses.

- Less likely to be treated for said mental illnesses due to their giftedness masking symptoms     and them not wanting to burden others because they're perfectionistic and people-pleasing. "I'm the strong and smart one, I should be able to handle this on my own."

- Even more likely to suffer from mental illnesses because of the pressure and expectations that come with being gifted, and what happens when those expectations aren't met.

- Experiencing negativity from people when your "gift" or intelligence doesn't work in their benefit.

- All this leads in Encanto and in real life to crumbling family dynamics, tension and actually more trouble than benefits.

All in all, Encanto is a fantastic metaphor for this real life situation that 2,5% of the population has to deal with (for reference, giftedness is twice as common as having natural red hair). Our gifts to others are often detrimental to ourselves. I fully believe that gifted people can indeed do amazing things in life, but we need the proper suppport in order to do so. And parents and teachers currently have no idea how to really help us.