Most people don't realize that stress (and how you relate to your own emotions) is by far the biggest factor in whether your relationships succeed or fail.
Although it's been said... many times...many ways...
You can't find love in the world until you can find it within yourself...Your relationships with others are only as good as your relationship with yourself...We can only give love freely when there's enough within ourselves to give away.
OK - we get it!
But what's the opposite of love within ourselves, then? What blocks this "love" within ourselves that would and should flow out into our relationships? I would call it "stress" in general, but here are some common expressions of it:
- fear, worry, insecurity, doubt
- anger, bitterness, cynicism, sarcasm
- jealousy, criticizing, insulting, hatred
- resentment, holding grudges
- feeling unloved, unappreciated, unnoticed
But rather than listing more expressions of stress and explaining how it blocks your potential for love, let me give you a couple of examples that illustrate why you can't have love in your life when you're stressed. I will also share ten personal secrets learned to live a stress free life and have better relationships with everyone.
Think about the times that you've snapped at a loved one or treated someone you knew poorly. I can guarantee there was always some form of stress present within you at that time.
Stress puts us into a primitive state of panic. In fact, a neuroscientist once explained how when we enter a state of stress, our brain actually downgrades into a mode where we lose access to the most evolved, creative, rational parts of our brain (the neo-cortex). In other words, there is physiological proof that if you want to make the best decisions, you need to make sure you're not stressed. Being stress-free in a relationship leads to a good relationship.
Sometimes people want to sell the idea of being "stress-free" as walking around in some kind of transcendent Zen state, or like a bliss-filled grinning idiot. Being stress-free is actually much simpler and less glamorous than that. Being stress-free just means that you feel "fine," or "OK." We need to find a way of looking at life where we realize: "There is no problem."
Yes, there are things to handle. Yes, there are things we need to respond to in the moment. But there is a world of difference between handling something and stressing about it.
Stress is a greedy, poisonous and highly contagious state.
Greedy because it fights to make itself the center of your attention, above all other people and obligations.
Poisonous because it often makes you withdraw (avoid people), fight (repel people), or rebel (act like the opposite of what that emotion is making you feel).
Highly contagious because when you handle your stress poorly and lash out (either subtly or explicitly) at the people you're close to, you end up causing them stress that they then need to handle.
So now I'll give you a short, personal list of how I keep my stress low so that I enjoy my life and have great relationships:
1. I take stress very seriously. I do not allow it to exist within me for long.
2. I am honest with myself about my stress level before talking with someone. I know myself - if I'm feeling stressed, it's a guarantee that I will lash out at someone unintentionally. I do my best to handle my stress before interacting with someone else.
3. I know very well who and what in my life causes me stress. I make an effort to eliminate people from my life who cause me stress. If I can't eliminate them, I limit my exposure to them to the bare minimum.
