First Responders

14

(Kent Caddel's POV)

I was definitely being an asshole. I had never reacted to a man like I do to Collin except for Ayden. When he had turned back and snapped at me I wasn't affected. I know when I've gone to far and even though Collin had looked upset I knew he wasn't. That wasn't what has changed my mood towards him.

When I joke around with colleagues and the likes I never feel guilty, because I know the only man who I want to truly be with is Ayden. However as the topic of showering together had popped up I legitimately liked the sound of it, which made me feel like a complete asshat.

I desperately wanted to just talk to Ayden properly. We have always tried to be honest with our feelings. I wasn't going to stop now. I love him so much that just the thought of losing him in anyway destroys me inside. Lying and deception kills relationships.

My mood had drastically changed Collins as for the entirety of the second building he didn't say a single thing. He worked quietly and almost distantly throughout the whole process. Not once sparing me a glance as he glared at his surroundings.

He moved with grace and experience. With eyes holding knowledge that I could never even imagine. He was a complete mystery to me. Mostly because he actually attracted me, but not only that. I knew Ayden was also attracted to him. Which just proves how much I hate hood samaritans. Why was I feeling like this when I had such an amazing man all to myself.

As I continue to watch Collin move around suddenly he starts towards a door way that I happen to remember being a weak spot. Before I can even think I'm hurrying towards him and yanking him back just as he steps on the weak spot and it falls through. He body slams back into mine and he goes rigid against my body. He moves to take a step away when I realize I haven't released my grip on him.

His head snaps back to look at me then my hand gripping his arm. His frown deepens and I immediately release with both hands raised as I mumble, "watch your step."

"You-," he instantly stops what he was going to say and because I really just wanted to talk to Ayden before I said anything else stupid to Collin. I just let his thought go cold, "we can go."

With that he's making his way back through the building glancing back over everything one last time before we just leave. I follow behind him making sure to watch for any soft spots that he could fall through.

We got back through it without incident, as well as him not saying anything. I saw him take a few pictures angrily as well as type something into his phone but he doesn't try to say anything in regards to what he finds to me. I can't say I blame him either.

The drive back to the firehouse was tense and awkward. With nothing being said. I hated acting like this. I was always the guy that made anyone feel welcome. Now here I was pushing this already "I'll do it all myself" man away and I couldn't even bring myself to say anything.

I knew everything would be okay after I spoke to Ayden. I just needed to speak to him immediately to erase the guilt eating at me. He was always feeling guilty for even thinking another man was attractive and I knew that was stupid. We both knew you could admire another person without being even thinking of being with them. Our relationship was build completely on trust. Now though I felt as though I had stepped the line. Because no matter how many times I had gazed upon another and thought myself "they're a good looking person" I have never imagined myself doing anything more.

As soon as we get back I'm jumping out the truck and rushing to find the man I love. Leaving Collin to fend for himself which I feel bad for but I knew he could handle getting around by himself. I immediately head for the Lobby.

When I get there I'm bombarded by questions from the guys but I wave them off, "where's Ayden?"

"He went to med, said he had to prepare for Mr. Detectives training," Tom answers and I thank him before rushing off again. Our station has its own medical unit.

It was small but it housed the EMTs when they were here. So as soon as I get there I know where to find him, and as soon as I see the smaller man in his white robe. With his bouncy brunette hair. I breath a sigh of relief. I come up behind him and instantly wrap him up in my arms.

He jumps right out of his skin and his head shoots up to see me. I bury my face in his hair and he instantly knows that something's wrong. He struggles to turn in my tight embrace before he wraps his own arms around me. However I didn't feel like I quite deserved his affection and take a step back.

"What's wrong Kent? Are you okay?" He searches my entire face as his hands go up to my shoulders. His head tilts to the side in concern.

"I'm sorry angel," I mumble resting my cheek into his open palm. He frowns and I can't even comprehend how adorable it looks. However it just makes me think of Collin again.

"For what? What's going on baby?" He comes closer rubbing his thumb over my stubble.

"I- well I think I really attracted to him," I say quietly and can't bring myself to look into his eyes anymore until I hear soft giggle. My head snaps to look at him to see him shaking his head while trying to cover up a chuckle.

"Are you talking about the Detective? We already talked about that. You were the one that helped me see it wasn't anything to feel guilty about," he tries to explain gently but I shake my head and run a hand through my hair.

"You don't understand, you know how I always joke with the guys. It's a right of passage when your so close with them all the time. I was doing the same with Collin and when I said it I didn't mean it. I was just trying to mess with him you know? Get him all riled up, thought it'd be funny. However he didn't respond how I thought he would. He brought you up, and mentioned I shouldn't say stuff like that. I was gonna shake it off until I the visual image actually popped into my head," I try to explain but my words seem to jumble as I try to get the out as fast as I can. So he can understand.

He just looks at me though with a cute raised brow and a scrunched up nose in confusion, "you mean you flirted with him like you normally do? But then realized your words held a bit of truth? What did you say?"

"He was on the phone with a work friend and she started going on about how lucky Collin was to be working with a bunch of hot firefighters and he seemed embarrassed," I try to explain a bit more calmly, knowing I sounded stupid, "so I thought it was the perfect opportunity to tease him. She asked if we showered together and he just hung up annoyed. So I took it as an opportunity to use that. And said we don't but could make an exception. I was expecting him to get embarrassed or flustered but he just looked at me with surprised eyes before defending you."

He processes my words and nods, "okay I think I understand, so because he defended me. That's why you feel guilty."

"No!" I huff and shake my head, "well maybe a bit, but I knew when I did it that I didn't mean it. I thought it was nice of him to do that but I didn't feel guilty until my mind actually imagined it."

His mouth forms an o shape,"you imagined showering with him."

My head once again drops in shame and I nod solemnly. I felt like complete shit. I should never think anything like that while I had the amazing man in front of me all to myself. He was everything anybody could ever want in a significant other. I just had to go and ruin that.