3⎮my one and only nemesis

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I had spent the last two days searching

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I had spent the last two days searching. Looking for ways to make my dear fucking ex-boyfriend regret our break-up.

But I hadn't found anything.

In the end, I didn't even know if I wanted him to regret me or what he had done to me. Maybe both?

What was certain was that I was mad at myself. For what I had let him do to me. Because my heart was breaking more and more every time I thought about him, about what he had done. I was mad at myself for loving him and being afraid that I could never stop.

But I was even more mad at him.

And that's what kept me looking for that one thing that will break him.

Without any motivation, I went down the stairs.

Standing in front of my closet trying to figure out what I was going to wear to please him was a habit. So when I had put on the first outfit that came my way and didn't spend all morning trying on different eyeliners, it wasn't just obvious, it was palpable.

I had no reason to put a thousand efforts on my makeup or to try to match my outfits with someone. Especially when my someone wasn't mine anymore. Not that he's ever been.

I was not neglected though. A beige sweater, dark brown baggy pants and my Dr. Martens. Hair tied in a ponytail. A line of mascara and a little concealer. And here I am.

"Need a ride?"

I wasn't surprised by my brother's unusual attention, but I didn't expect it either.

Another detail I had forgotten to mention. Every morning when it came to taking me to class, it was Ethan who did it. The perfect couple with the perfect habits. Just an illusion, a perfect little and dirty lie.

I guess after our last conversation, he wouldn't bother picking me up this morning.

And what disgusts me the most is that part of me longed that when I opened that door, he would be there. Asking me to forgive him, begging me to take him back. And even then, another part of me would be willing to forget everything. For me, for him, for us.

"Yes, I'd like to. Thanks."

"No prob'. Grab your stuff, let's go."

I may have taken much less time than usual, but Harry preferred to be early. And he always was. Every time Ethan came to pick me up, my brother had already left. I always wondered if it was to avoid running into him or just to be there before everyone else.

I took my bag that I had packed the day before and left next to the coat rack and put on my long beige wool coat. Now I had my dark academia look!

As I opened the door, turning back to my brother, I saw him throw something at me. With a reflex that amazed even me, I grabbed what he had thrown across the room.

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