Lost and Found

Chapter 1 | Starting over

Do you ever wonder if you're merely a wanderer in this world, lost forever and waiting to be found?

The stars wake up to shine brightly as the night settles in. Sitting crossed-legged on her bed, Julia admires the darkness and silence the night brings. She stares at the small light dots scattered across the sky.

At least the stars look the same as those from home. Although, she can't call the Netherlands her home anymore. The United States is her home now, even though it doesn't feel that way yet. Julia sighs. She went from a bedroom overlooking the channel to the attic of her uncle and aunt's house. Trading in her cosy bedroom for a nearly empty room with only a bed and a small dresser–which is empty too.

Her full suitcases stand beside the dresser. Her desire to unpack is the same as when she arrived in the US, non-existent. Why should she unpack her stuff? The attic is nothing more than her temporary room until her mother finds an affordable house in the area.

Julia taps her pen on her notebook brimming with daunting blank pages. Add that to the list of things that scare her; Empty notebooks. She's too afraid to ruin the beautiful empty pages that are begging to be filled.

"Just start," she mumbles to herself. Writing a journal shouldn't be this hard.

The journal is supposed to help her process the past and present. At least, according to her therapist. She'll need to start first, though, to let the words she puts down on paper help her move on with her life. Or as her dad wanted; to start over and make a new life. How do you even start over? Is she supposed to forget the life she had? Leaving behind the people she loves and trusts? Such a brilliant idea.

"Stupid journal."

Three weeks since her therapist gave her the assignment, and she still doesn't know what to write. Okay, maybe she does. But writing it down means she has to think about it or accept it, and Julia doesn't want to think or accept.

It would mean she would have to write about getting ill in her first year of high school. But she doesn't want to ruin the beautiful blank pages with that lame story. The story of how she did not get better as the doctors had promised. Because, no worries, it will get better within a few weeks. She just needed to get the hang of high school, or it's the beginning of puberty.

LIES!

Do people even know someone can get chronically tired? And not tired like everyone else. She doesn't stop being tired after a good night's rest or a break. People joke about it, but it's no joke to her. For Julia, the joke had a name; chronic fatigue syndrome. It took her two years to get where she's now. To be able to stay awake for a whole day or go to school.

She flips through the notebook, which has a beautiful blue cloth cover, and 'Julia' spelt out in golden letters. "I don't want to ruin you with my stupid feelings," Julia says.

Stupid feelings. Stupid friends who abandoned her. Because having a tired friend who can't go to every party or hang out all the time is not worth having. But she did get better—somewhat. It was like she woke up from a bad dream. Except her friends were all gone. Nobody waited for her to wake up.

It doesn't matter anymore. Her dad and stepmom want her to start over somewhere else, where Julia isn't reminded of everything she has lost. Or where everyone sees her as the sad girl who got sick. Julia just wants to go to school, get her diploma, and start over at university. Like everyone else does.

Guess having a divorced mother who stayed behind in the US is handy—or not. Depending on how she wants to look at it. Which depends on the day of the week. She's becoming quite good at depressing herself with her own thoughts. Although, her therapist tells her she should not list depressing herself as a good quality. Julia thought it was quite the talent.