Look at me

The new boy.

Next morning was like every other morning. It's all so fkn boring. I'm so burned out with.. Life? It's like no matter what fucking happends it's just so fkn boring. Well. Didn't stop me from going to school sadly. I put my music on. For once life felt a little more beautiful. Everything is a little more beautiful with music on.

I was minding my business until this random guy showed up? "Sup(: You go to the school here in town?" He said. "There's literally only one school in this town? Take a guess" I said in a rejecting way. "Fair enough" he say. "What are u listening to?" "None of your business" I say. "I've never heard of that song " "ha ha funny "I say annoyed as we stand in front of the school. couldn't help it but blushing a bit.

I probably was a little hard on him. He is new after all. I walk in the hall as everyone stare's at me. The new guy walks a little behind me confused. He didn't get what was going on. But I'm pretty sure he's curious cause he didn't stop bother me. I was very aware that everyone was looking because of the situation from yesterday. A group of people were around the popular girls. The girls that I pushed. If just everyone knew what they did afterwards. Well it doesn't matter anyway. Everyone thought I was crazy even before the situation yesterday.

Today I sat in the corner of the classroom. I had enough attention in the hall. Everyone seems to like this guy a lot. Even tho he doesn't seem to like them. I think he knows that they are all snakes. He does seem disappointed about them tho.

I notice that he looks at me a lot. He's so anoying. I don't get it why he won't leave me alone? Well the girls seem to not leave him alone at all. Some of them even wrote "fuck me hottie" on their forehead. He looked disgusted. Why am I thinking so much about this guy? I don't even know what he's name is. Pathetic. At lunch and I sat at my usual seat. Alone.
Or not for so long. He came over to me and sat down beside me.

-I don't even think you know my name?" He said with a little tiny smirk.

-It's not like I want to know you name?

-I'm Matt Emerson

-I'm Victoria Bennet

I leave the table. He's nice. But i swore that I would not be friends with him. I skipped the last classes. I just genuinely felt like leaving.

Sometimes i wonder Why He did it. Why my brother killed himself. Sometimes I even blame myself for it. But I don't get it. Why he did it? He was so happy. He was the reason I was happy. He was just full of joy and then just so suddenly?

I gotta be honest its not my favourite thing to think about but I think about it a lot. I cant help it. I feel this Disturbance inside of me that just won't stop until I find out exactly why a how he died. Killing himself is easy for everyone to say. And even tho their probably are right. They didn't know him. It's just said so everyone can move on. But me and dad knows that it's not really what happened. Or I hope that. It obviously just a little wish or hope in my heart.

Dad chose too move on. He thinks that if he goes to deep in it he'll never move on and that will damage him mentally. I honestly think he's right. But I'm not my dad obviously. The worst scenario is my brother being dead. And that happend. It can't get any worse can it?

I decided to go home afterwards.

It's 2 am. I can't sleep. I was just sitting in bed admiring my wall.
I walk downstairs to get a glass of water maybe a snack. I remember the day he killed himself. Everything was so normal. I overheard him saying to dad and mom that he would go out with some friends. The police then found he's body two days later in the woods saying he shot himself. It was kind of obvious that he killed himself since they couldn't find any evidence and the fact that he had a gun in his hand. My mom left us the next day. I hate her for that. But dad said she just couldn't handle it. It was to much. But she still left us? Well I don't need her anyways. I have my dad.

I walk upstairs again.
Didn't even remember the glass of water.

My brother draco didn't even left a note. I know we weren't that close but still. I'm his sister. I can't help it but overthink things and think that maybe someone took it on purpose. I just can't except that he killed himslef  without even saying goodbye.

I try to think about something else when suddenly Matt pops up in my mind. I feel bad about how I treated him. Well i was literally just rude its not like I bullied him or anything.

He's was actually very sweet. But that might just be my opinion.