Second Act

Chapter 6

Shownu had yet to tell Sol how long he was staying. Two weeks had passed, and he had made no mention of his imminent return to Korea. She hated to admit it, but she was really starting to enjoy having him around. He was her constant companion on trips to el mercado and he had helped her to make new flower beds on the patio. Sometimes, she let herself consider the possibility that Shownu wouldn't go back at all. There had been no more passionate kisses, only steady companionship, but Sol believed that, despite his detached manner, he did harbor feelings for her.

As if she had summoned him, Sol heard Shownu knock on her door. His arms were full of mangoes to the point that several were about to fall from his grasp. Sol grabbed the outermost ones and laid them on the table.

"What's all this?" she asked. "Did they have a sale on mangoes?"

"Good?" he asked with a thumbs up and questioning eyes.

"Yeah, you did good. You picked good ones," she assured him.

He dropped his shoulders in relief. For some reason, he really wanted Sol to be pleased with his offerings from the market.

"Hey, Shownu," Sol called out from the kitchen where she had placed the mangoes in a fruit basket. "Have you ever watched novelas?" she asked.

"Novelas?" he asked back, shrugging his shoulders.

"Yeah, they're like soap operas or K-dramas, but they're in Spanish," she clarified.

"Oh, no, I do not," Shownu replied.

"You haven't?" Sol asked with a glint in her eye. "Well, I think it's time to introduce you to a good novela," she declared. She tugged on his wrist and sat him down beside her on the couch. She turned on the TV and turned up the volume. The theme song was playing for a novela called, "Cosechando el Amor."

"It means, 'Harvesting Love," or something like that," she tried to explain to a confused Shownu. "It's like when you grow something and then you pick it," she continued, pantomiming her words.

"Oh," Shownu said, appearing to have finally understood the title. They watched for several minutes in silence. There was no use trying to explain every little detail. It took way too long. But Shownu appeared invested despite not knowing the language.

"Wait! Why he push her down stairs?" he asked when the male lead pushed his love interest down a long, winding staircase.

"No, see, Julio isn't acting like himself. He was hypnotized by that fortune teller who made him think that Maricela is trying to kill his father," Sol explained to no avail. "It's pretty complex," she conceded. "But every good novela requires that someone get thrown down the stairs," Sol said, laughing.

Shownu smiled tiredly. His eyes were red and puffy with exhaustion. Sol wondered how she had missed it before. He was exhausted. She reached her arm around his shoulders and pulled him in to rest his head on her upper chest. For once, he didn't pull away. He knew it was dangerous to let her comfort him, but he felt so weak that he couldn't resist her offer of solace. As he rested his head against her neck, he breathed in her scent of cocoa butter. She smelled like freshly baked cookies. She smelled like home.

He had mentioned nothing about it, but his conversation with the band had left him feeling overwhelmed. He knew that the execs were anxious to get him back, but after 18 months in grueling military training, he was just plain tired. When he thought of returning to the unyielding schedule of Monsta X, he felt his weariness increase.

He could feel Sol's pulse against his forehead. Everything about her was welcoming. He had never known a woman like her, uncomplicated and all warmth. There were no games, no jockeying for power, no demands that he be someone other than himself. He felt the pull of normal life, the desire to sit on Sol's couch and watch novelas with her for the rest of his life.

She began to stroke his hair gently. He sighed as his shoulders relaxed and his breath became steady and consistent. Sol planted gentle kisses on the top of his head. He wrapped his arms around her waist. She began to wind her fingers deep into his hair as she used her fingertips to massage his scalp. He sighed as he felt his willpower slipping. She was becoming more and more irresistible.

Sol put her hand behind his neck and tilted his head toward her. Her chocolate eyes invited him to give in to the desire to rest.

"Do you want to be my man?" she whispered against his cheek.

He made no audible response, but his hands clutched at the fabric of her blouse. She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his lips. That gentle kiss awakened him from his impossible dream. He sat up and pulled away from Sol.

The expression on her face was utterly inscrutable. Was she hurt? Angry? He couldn't tell.

"I get it," she said simply. "But I'm not going to put myself out there again. I can't keep being vulnerable and having you pull away over and over."

Shownu didn't understand everything she said, but he got the idea. She was done. She was not going to invite him into her heart any longer.

"It's not you," he assured her. "I go back soon," he explained desperately.

"Well, you could go and come back to visit when you have time," she offered, "but you won't, will you?"

Shownu swallowed down the lump forming in his throat. "In K-pop, no free time," he answered. "I like you," he admitted finally. "I like you so much --- so much," he repeated. "If I free, I stay here --- with you," he conceded. "But I can't," he concluded.

"That word doesn't exist," Sol argued. "'Can't is just what people say when they don't want to do something."

Shownu shook his head. "I want to," he said pleadingly. "I can't," he repeated.

Sol stood from the couch. "I think it's time for you to go back upstairs," she told him pointedly.

Shownu nodded sadly. He knew it was unfair of him to want to run into her comforting arms when he could offer her nothing. She wasn't the kind of girl who could be left behind. He knew instinctively that if he gave into what he wanted, he would never be able to leave.

"I'm sorry," Shownu said with a slight bow. "You," he paused.  "You are --- all --- everything," he struggled to explain as he made an arching movement with his arms trying to encompass everything she was in his eyes.

"Okay, no more," Sol said as sternly as she could. His sad face always made her want to change her hard stance, but she knew her heart couldn't take any more of this. "Time to go," she announced, guiding him out the door and closing it behind him.

He trudged up the stairs with heavy steps. For her part, Sol lay down in her bed with her knees curled up to her chest. Never one to cry over men, she pushed down hard against the sob that was rising in her throat. But this time, her heart-cry was stronger than her desire to keep it down. She felt the sobs coming in waves, her stomach contracting with each one.

"Why does love have to be so hard?" she questioned God or the Universe, whoever was listening. She hoped someone was listening because it wasn't a moment she wanted to pass through alone. "Why can't he just admit that he loves me too?" she demanded an answer from her silent Companion. Finally, she fell into a fitful sleep. When she awoke, her sheets were in a tangle at the foot of the bed.

"¿Ya qué? Otro día," she mumbled as she rose from her bed, lamenting that she had to face yet another day in this hellish limbo.