Bitter

forty-nine - cal

Lydia stared up at me, shimmering under the disco light from all of the glitter as confusion crossed her face. "Talk about what?" she asked. She was looking at me like I was going to do something to her, like purposefully spill soda on her. That was something I'd actually done in middle school and at the time I'd thought it was the funniest thing ever. Hopefully she didn't remember that. Although, Lydia remembered everything and I couldn't blame her for hating me even more after that.

Lydia was watching and waiting for a response, but she probably wasn't expecting me to start reaching for her hand. I hadn't really been expecting it either. I mean, this was the girl that had run off with my bag during soccer practice and tried to soak it in the creek just weeks ago. Something was definitely wrong with me.

When Lydia saw my hand approaching hers, she backed away. "What are you doing?" she questioned cautiously, eyes flitting from my hand to my face. I wasn't gonna lie, it kind of hurt to see her so uncomfortable when I'd done that. Were we still supposed to be enemies? I hadn't thought so when we'd talked at Jason's funeral, but maybe she thought differently.

I didn't know what to say to her. I was just blankly staring, trying to figure out myself what I was doing. Why am I so dumb? I thought. I should've just stayed near the wall and not brought Lydia over here, that way we wouldn't be standing in front of each other while one of us was losing their ability to speak. "I...just..." was all I could mumble. I just what?

I never had to finish that sentence because Lydia stepped forward then and suddenly I was unfrozen and slightly confused. The music was the only thing filling my ears and my gaze focused on Lydia. Without a word, she reached up and placed both hands on my shoulders and soon enough, I slipped my hands behind her and we were swaying slowly like the others around us. Lydia Bosher and I were dancing.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asked, avoiding any eye contact and instead, looking past me at the other side of the gym. I was too busy thinking about how weird it was, being here with Lydia, that the question didn't register until several seconds later.

"Oh, right," I blurted, feeling my face grow hot. "I kind of just wanted to know how you're doing." It was half true. I did care if she was okay after that night with Haley, but I wanted to know what it was she was hiding. Why had Haley taken her to her dad's old house? What did he have to do with anything?

Lydia sighed and gave me a defeated look. "I'm fine, I guess," she told me, "I just didn't expect all of this, you know?" Yeah, I knew. I pushed Jason from my mind, before the memory of him in a casket could drain the life out of me like a parasite. I was lucky that I hadn't been there when he'd fallen, but Lydia had been and I couldn't imagine what that was like. It had affected her, whether she realized it or not.

"What about you?" she added, her features softening.

Well, I was carrying a switchblade in my pocket right now just in case West Haley jumped out and attacked us, so I would say I wasn't doing the best. Plus, there was that weird exchange I'd witnessed in the parking lot between Mr. Haley and his son. I still didn't know what was up with that. I didn't bring any of that up though and instead I replied with a shrug and, "I'm alive."

Lydia nodded and pursed her lips, looking away. "And you should stay that way," she mumbled. I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear that because she said it so quietly, but her eyes met mine again and I realized she didn't care if I had or not.

A small smile formed on my lips as I looked at her. For a moment, I was second grade me again seeing Lydia for the first time, unable to feel anything but anger towards her. Now, and it was crazy to admit, I didn't feel that way anymore with her. I stopped dancing and took her hands from my shoulders, holding them as I mustered up the courage to tell her. Her eyes widened a little at this. "I'm sorry," I apologized. By the way she was looking at me, I could tell I didn't have to elaborate because she already knew everything I was thinking about. I was sorry for all of it, the entire laundry list of things I'd done to make everything worse for her.

   "I'm sorry, too," she said back, dropping her gaze. "I was going through a...weird time when I moved here."

   I nodded along, letting her hands go so we were just standing there, talking while the surrounding couples drifted by. "Me too," I admitted. "When you moved in, there was a lot of stuff happening with my..." I stopped myself there before I said any more. Part of me just wanted to tell her, but I couldn't. That was when I was going to change the subject, ask her about why Haley had brought her to her dad's house. But I stopped myself again, before I could ask anything. I was keeping something from her, so it was only fair that she keep something from me (even though the suspense was killing me).

She gave me a pained smile, never forcing me to finish my sentence. She knew there was something I wasn't telling her, and yet, she didn't try to pry it out of me. So I wouldn't do that to her either.

We didn't say much more after that as the soft echoing of a guitar faded out, the song ending just as our conversation did. She asked me how my parents were doing and I kept it simple, telling her they were fine and they probably wanted to have dinner with her and her mom again. As Lydia listened to me, her eyes sparkled and I kind of started to see what Mom and Dad and all of the teachers she'd had saw in her. There was no doubt she was genuinely interested in what I was saying and people liked that, knowing someone was listening to them. I hadn't wanted to stop talking to her. Unfortunately though, it didn't matter what I wanted because our time was cut short anyway.

"Cal! Lydia!" a voice shouted close by as the couples that had been dancing broke apart, filling the empty spaces of the gym. We were instantly caught in the tide of people again and I found Lydia's hand before we could get separated. I searched the crowd, trying to find the source of the voice and soon enough, Marco was pushing past everyone and knocking people aside to get to us. "Cal! Lydia!" he yelled, waving his arms in the air like a man overboard.

Lydia and I both fought to reach him and when we'd closed the distance, Marco's eyes were wild with fear. "I can't find Meg!" he said anxiously. "She was literally just with me, I don't know what happened! I need to find her! Have you seen her or—"

"Okay, wait, slow down," I cut in, already looking out for Haley in the room. We couldn't jump to conclusions so soon, but Lydia and I knew something was going to happen tonight and here it was, happening. Marco was freaking out too and that definitely didn't help the situation. "Tell me where you last saw her. Like, where were you guys when—"

"She told me she was going to the bathroom so I stayed in here and got us drinks. She was taking really long so then I went back to the bathroom and asked this one girl to go in and see if Meg was okay, you know, because she was supposed to be in there? But then the girl came back out and said no one else was in the bathroom," Marco explained hurriedly, gaze darting around the gym. "It's West, it has to be," he declared.

It was like the mention of Haley's name made him appear out of thin air, like a curse. He was spoken into existence, standing on the other side of the gym at the doors and staring at me under the winking star lights. I looked to Lydia, knowing she saw him too because she glanced at me and then at Marco and then back at Haley. Marco was right. He had taken Meg somewhere and it was only a matter of time before something really bad happened.

Haley disappeared through the doors, exiting the gym and it was as if he was beckoning us to follow him. Everything seemed to close in around me while I pushed after him, like I was willingly walking through a tunnel to leave the music and the lights and the people behind for danger. The music was muffled to me now, the lights were dim, and time slowed down, leaving me in sort of a bubble where no one could reach me. I could feel the weight of Haley's switchblade still in my pocket, a reminder that I had the upper hand right now.

And I wouldn't let tonight end without keeping it that way. Just because I wasn't able to save my sister all those months ago didn't mean I couldn't do something to save Meg.