HIS SIDEKICK

2. Validation

Listening carefully to the pressure of the footsteps upstairs I could tell that they were my brothers, and that my mom wasn't home yet. For some reason I have evaluated and memorized each footstep of everyone in the family which only included my brother Treys, my moms, and my dads. Luckily Trey is the only one home.

I've been dreading my mom coming home because I knew she wouldn't hear me out about my detention. She just wanted to yell.

Even on the days where I wasn't getting in trouble I still would bury myself under the covers of my bed and lay there until I was needed for something. Like going to school, or hanging out with Riley.

Riley has her own home issues as well, but her situation is much worse. Her dad died when she was 13 and her mom and her boyfriend Steven have been abusing her since then. Bruises all over her body, and on the days where Steven would get touchy she would stay at my house for a little while.

Her situation makes me feel like i shouldn't be upset with how my mother treats me. She may yell, talk down to me, and she may have fucked me up mentally, but at least she hasn't beaten me or worse. Which is why I haven't told her about what I go through at home. Because compared to her i'm living in lavish.

My heart skipped a beat when I heard heavy footsteps walking in the direction where the top of the stairs would be. Here she goes. My body instantly stiffens when my bedroom door opens.

"So.. I hear you got another detention." I don't move from my position of staring at the ceiling. I don't have strength to deal with her today. She can say anything to me, but I'm so numb to her words that they can't hurt me anymore.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you." She demanded, taking a step closer to my bed. I could tell by the way her hands gripped her hips, and the way her head was slightly pushed forward that she was trying to be intimidating.

My mother is a big round woman with a bob wig she wears everyday. Her lips are as thin as a piece of cardboard, and her eyes are a light brown. The only thing intimidating about her is her weight.

I sit up in my bed, with my back pressed against the backboard, looking her square in the eyes. "Is this the daughter I raised? The daughter who gets detention?! I've raised you better than that haven't I?" When she didn't get an answer she yelled again.

"Haven't I?!"

"Yes." I answered dully.

"Then why do you keep doing the same thing over and over and over again?!" I opened my mouth to answer, but she kept going.

"Why can you never behave? Why can't you be more like your brother? Is it so hard to just be a good kid? To go to school, get good grades and leave?" Yes. I wanted to answer. She doesn't know the hardships that come with being a good kid.

"Why are you just laying in bed? I swear to God you are so lazy. All you do is lay in this bed like what is wrong with you? You lay in bed to the point where I should take the door off of the hinges just to see what you really do down here." When I didn't respond she looked around my room, it was apart of her routine to look around my room and yell at me for whatever she didn't like about it.

"Why do you have so many water bottles down here? This is my house and I bought those water bottles. I will not have you make my house look like a pigsty so clean it up now!" I moved the covers off of me to move the water bottles to the trash, but she kept going.

"Why are you so messy?" Walking towards me she leaned down to my level and asked me again, this time her face was just inches away from mine. "I asked you why you're so messy!" I kept my face blank while I answered, not allowing her to get a reaction out of me.

"I thought that was a rhetorical question." I stated, looking her dead in the eyes. "I asked you why you're so messy!" She repeated herself.

"I don't know." I said, standing up to clean up the water bottles she couldn't help but complain about.

"I'm not done talking to you!" She pushed me back down on my bed. I opened my mouth shocked. I had steps when it came to this, I just needed to stay emotionless and dull and she would leave, but I broke character when I let myself be shocked.

Next thing I knew my dad was right behind her. "What's going on?" He asked, wanting to be cued in.

"Your daughter got another detention today." She told my dad, making him sigh in response, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Again? Why can't you just behave?" He asked. I could feel tears sting my eyes at the same question my mother had asked me. Can't they see that's all I do?! I behave! I don't skip school! I don't do drugs. I get good grades, I am at the top of my class!  But the only time they talk to me about school is when I get in trouble. They didn't even bother to ask me why my nose was bandaged up yesterday, but they sure as hell made sure to ask Trey how his track meet went!

"I mean- Jasmine... do you like when we yell?" I didn't answer, thinking that was a rhetorical question as well.

"He asked you a question." My mom spoke, crossing her arms. "N-no." My voice broke. I could feel myself about to cry. I wanted to kick myself for giving my mom the satisfaction of seeing me like this, of making me feel this way.

All my life I've been fighting for her to see me. For her to acknowledge my success. For her to notice when I'm not myself. But all she cares about is my brother. All she acknowledges are my flaws. And the only thing she notices is when I have an 'attitude.' I'm so tired of chasing her approval.

"The next detention you get you will be grounded for two months. Do you hear me?" My dad wasn't the strict parent, but he had his authoritative moments.

"Yes." My voice had gone back to normal after the tears in my eyes finally dried up.

"What?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Yes sir." I mumbled, and with that they were gone. Leaving me in darkness.

Kids brains only store certain memories. They call them core memories. Why is it that all of my core memories only resurface when I'm feeling sad? Where are my flashbacks when I'm feeling happy or positive? How do I reach into my brain and take these memories away? How do I replace my memories with ones that will appear when I am feeling well? How do I erase my childhood? How do I escape the right now? Where do I go from this?