The True Alpha: Invictus // jjk

16: Innocence and the blind

The Alpha was leaned against the door frame of Fai's room. Behind him, another door remained closed, forbidding the passage of anyone who dared to enter, to taint the environment Jungkook was building with his hands for his and Hani's child. And there, at the end of the hallway, Hani watched him unsure of how to approach him, to meet his orbit, for she felt so far away from where his mind and heart were. Once more, she saw the ending of the tunnel they both desperately attempted to hold in their hands; and yet, when she looked down at her feet, the roads they stood in were drastically different. She had grown selfless, perhaps, scarred like he was, in ways that were not the same but yet, reflected themselves in her and him when their eyes crossed. It was important, she recognized it, that Jungkook treaded on his own path, they way he seemed fit for him. For that was the only way, he'd ever reach some sort of calm over what had led him there. In the meantime, she'd wait, she'd walk her own journey; watching him from behind, nodding her head whenever he felt like turning around. Hoping that with time, with faith in whatever laid ahead, they'd find themselves side by side at the end.

"I'm causing the one thing, I wished to end. The blade he gave me or that... has always been in my hands; my clutch on it it's so tight..." The Alpha's voice whispered slowly into the silent hallway, yet, Hani was not sure, it was her he wanted to speak to, to listen. "I'm fighting a battle with no end. Only small moments, lingering seconds of peace. I'd... I'm glad you didn't see the gaze that child covered me with, when I burst through the gate." A long sigh dragged itself across the hallway, sliding in front of the children's door, one lost, one slowly entering their grasp. "There was horror in them. His hands trembled so violently, as he clutched his mother's trousers... I... I saw myself on that day. The day I lost everything. My hands trembled like his, my eyes waited foolishly for some sort of divine salvation. I saw Fai. I wondered the fear, the horror he felt. The snap of the fingers when everything ends and you just... face the outcome... suffering for a lifetime or... death. Am I a hypocrite for claiming to be doing good? Am I selfish? Hani... Am I doing this the wrong way?"

Jungkook's eyes mimicked the boy's hands and his as a child; the shook and waver immensely, unsure how to move, begging to be held. Slowly, the girl detached her feet from the floor; heavily and yet, in her own manner, always filled with a lightness, she approached him. She placed herself right next to him, with their shoulders touching each other. In thought, she glazed her eyes upon the room; delighting her sight in what had been left behind.

"If I'm honest, I don't think there's a right way of doing what we are attempting to achieve." Calmly, she replied. Jungkook responded her with a slight nod of the head. "We just have to keep on trying, the best way we know how."

"That child... I don't want it to become ours one day." Hani felt his body stir; it turned to face her. As if a breeze had taken some affection for her, she felt something soft and tender lay itself upon the growing belly. "Fear, horror should be only left when they miss a step in the stairs, when they happen to realize one of their toys is missing, when they wake up in the middle of the night and they don't see us there, when on less happier days, our voices raise at one another; when their first teeth shakes, when they learn the world turns, when they learn the rain pours without warning. Saying I love you, for the first time to someone they care deeply for..."

The girl didn't reply anything back. Instead, carefully, she wrapped her arms around his neck; covering the Alpha's worries in her warm embrace, in the feeling of safety he had fell in love with her for, in the heartbeat they both had created, hand in hand. Drizzling, he melted and blended into her. Familiar with its place as one is familiar with his home, he sheltered his eyes in her skin; wishing to be blind to the world he lived in and so, she consented. Gently, his eyelash fluttered close against her skin and blind, Jungkook allowed himself to be for some minutes.

There are too times I wish to be blind, to erase the memories and knowledge I have of the world I live in. We all do, don't we? The world is not nice, it is not kind, it is not, not even a little bit, what we hope it to be. We never put ends to things, only to beginnings. Without ever asking our permission, the world will strike us with awakenings, forcing our eyes open with claws that dig into our eyeballs. It burns to keep them wide; it's tiring to not dream. What are we without moments of blindness? Without pauses to breath and forget the world just spins, we just breath and that pain – the one thing we fear the most – is lodged inside of us, long before any of us were here. But often in life, there comes people; people we recognize as our reflection, as made of the same things of us. They are special people you, see? For they turn everything magical and nice, the world sweet and bright. They blind us with their embrace, turning pain and fear foreign feelings and distant from where we stand. Hani did that. Everything with her was possible, if only Jungkook had her in his grasp. She was, in some mysterious way, his last speck of hope, his last remain of an innocence towards the lost, he was desperate to drink again. Then, how could let it slip?

How could that night happen?

That night where blind, hidden in her, he slept leaned against the belly that tied him and her together; drifted, drowning, consumed in the dreams, in the world he was painting with hope. How could he not hear the door open? How could they, so shamefully, so brutally force his eyes open in such a way? With only one sign, alerting him that he had chosen to turn his back on the world; that fighting reality with dreams, carried a pain he had not known, yet. Her voice had never sounded so loud, than on that night. His name had never fallen so desperately out of her mouth, as she was ripped away from the bed that was theirs, from his arms, from his grasp, which he believed to be of stone.

They dragged her out of their own house. She screamed and kicked; she threw everything at them that her hands could reach. Desperately, Jungkook tried to free himself from the hold they had on him. Her figure slowly vanished through the corridor, forcing one to doubt she had ever even been there. However, her warmth was still in bed, Jungkook could still feel her skin lingering over his, her light breathing as she slept, her feet rubbing against his. Or was his mind attempting to blind him to the punches and the kicks that they beat him up with? Her name was speeding out of his mouth with such despair, with such horror and fear; it became muffled on his ears. His arms trembled under the pressure of the grasp that he fought against. The white sheets of the bed became tainted with splashes of a dark red substance; he seemed to have forgotten what it was. It slid down his face; erupting from his mouth he coughed it out. One by one, parts of his body shut off.

His legs were the first to become numb, his arms followed them. His hands dangled into the air, unable to grasp the hold that they had on him. His body bounced in the bed, following the rhythm of the punches they delivered to every inch of his body but it too, soon stopped. And numb, they dug his grave in that bed. Jungkook's eyes continued frozen on the empty hallway, she had disappeared through. They jumped from corner to corner, searching for a little sign of her, of her voice, of her warmth, of her presence. It was all silent around him; the punches had no sound, the bruises had no pain, their laughter didn't reach his ears. Only she, he thought of. Only them, where they could be. And still, the hours passed, the punches grew slower, Jungkook's body had shut off completely, only his brain and eyes remained awake, waiting for her to show up, for the nightmare to end. The night continued. The sheets turned red, the splashes joined hands, covering every inch of the fabric.

Outside, a whistling tune echoed around the forest outside of the cave. A body dangled from Lucca's arms; a girl with stained cheeks, a circle carved on her forehead with blood. The night was quiet and calm, without a single sound besides the whistling. A pair of red high heels clinked rhythmically outside the door of the cabin; eyes closed in bliss, the women's smile grew bigger and bigger as she saw the blood hitting the windows. Enchanted with the scenery, she twirled on her feet. The movement blindly followed the upside-down crescent moon, drawn on the front door. The sky had nothing. No moon and no stars. It had left with the snap of the women's fingers.

The next morning, Namjoon found odd the Alpha's absence. He found Jungkook dangling from the bed, numb and cold, tainted in his own blood and with his eyes, wide open, facing the hallway of the house. Staring at the door. 

Hani was nowhere to be found.