this is how you fall

This is how you fall:

He tucks wildflowers behind your ear and tells you that they suit you. He slips you notes that make you laugh, because he knows you need it. He's all wide open laughs, neck bared, head tossed back, and you know he's only like this when he's with you. You don't ever know how to look away. You don't think you ever want to.

This is how he falls:

He braids flowers into her hair and tucks whispers into her ear. He stays up nights re-reading her letters, because her words are what he needs. He's all small shy smiles, eyes down, cheeks flushed, and you know he's only like this when he's with her. And you don't ever know how to look away. Even when you want to. Even when it hurts.

This is how it ends:

He tells you, smile so full, that he's going to ask her to marry him. And you feel, in that moment, like a message in a bottle. All your words and wants and hopes are corked in your belly, in your throat.

You want to tell him that you've kept all the wildflowers he's ever tucked behind your ear. Every single one. You want to tell him that you've memorized all the notes he's ever slipped you. Every single word. His laugh was your anchor, your reason, your fall.

You had hoped he would be your home.

You tell him, smile practiced perfect, that you are happy for him.

You tell him, that you will always be happy for him.