Shadows of the Past

Chapter 1 - Discord

A woman may forgive her husband's mistakes but she can never forget. The unspoken resentment festers underneath till it boils over and threaten to destroy all feelings of love. Contrary to the happily ever after of Disney fairy tales, marriage cannot just operate on the basis of love. There must also be trust, mutual respect and a willingness to compromise. On the surface, Madhu and RK look like the picture perfect couple that they so effortlessly portray to the world. But appearances can be deceiving. Underneath the smooth surface, are still traces of the storm that nearly destroyed their marriage over a year ago, threatening to surface again.
Negative. Gazing down at the result on the pregnancy stick, she is seized by overwhelming despair. Tears silently flow down Madhu's cheeks as once again she has been denied the one thing she wants, a baby. After months of equally, soul shattering disappointment, she should have been immune to it by now. But a tiny part of her always harbored hope that the baby that she lost 16 months ago would come back again. She thinks that Bappa would favor his favorite devotee and his best friend's wife and bless her with a tiny life to nurture and bring into this world. Madhu throws away the stick and angrily brush away her tears. Therein lies the crux of the problem. She's not getting his blessings because deserves none. She thinks bitterly, why would he bless her with a child when she agreed to MURDER the child that was growing in the belly? Her own flesh and blood, the tiny life that she should have protected at all cost. Bile forms in the back of her throat, just thinking about it. No Bappa wouldn't bless her because she had committed a sin and now she must bear the price.
Standing in front of the mirror and wiping off all traces of tears, RK walks in with his usual, customary swagger. Looking at his smirking reflection as he comes closer, Madhu cannot help but feel slightly resentful. His devil may care attitude occasionally grates on her nerves. Here she is dying a thousand death thinking about their great loss, what could have been, what should have been. But he does not seem to notice or care, maybe a little of both. She truly loves RK but can't he ever come out of his sphere of self-centeredness and see her as an entity instead of just his biwi? Her heart beats for this man and she knows with unshakeable certainty that she will always put him first above all else. Madhu thinks bitterly, she even put him ahead of their symbol of love. For him, she forego her motherly instincts and fulfilled his wish. Only upon RK's insistence, she aborted their baby to finish on the only film they completed together. For better or worse, she fulfilled her role as a wife and she will continue to do so even if she loses her soul in the process.
RK wraps his arms around Madhu and leans his head against hers. He looks at the mirror reflection and smiles briefly at the illusion it presented, a happily married couple in love. But he knows nothing can be further from the truth. His biwi's eyes briefly reflect her inner torment even though she's doing everything possible to conceal it. RK tightens his arms around her to give her warmth, hoping, wishing and praying that it conveys his love and support. But she discreetly shrugs out of his arms and turns around and gives him a polite smile. The kind of smile a man never wants to receive from his wife. Her shuttered, cold gaze is enough to make him despair. He misses the fire in Madhu's eyes, just one look into them and he used to burn. Now the only time he can elicit any warm emotions in her is when they are in the throes of passion. He may have brought his biwi back to him physically but emotionally she never returned.
Despite possessing a quick, glib tongue, he is not one to express his feelings eloquently. In his customary fashion, RK brushes aside his sense of misgivings. He reasons that Madhu is just out of sorts and it will take him minutes to lighten up her mood. Desperately, he clings on to the belief that the invisible wall erected between them is flimsy and temporary. Not even in a million years could he fathom that his biwi can shut him out for longer than few minutes. With his legendary wit and good looks, he can charm anyone out of a foul mood if he so desires. Madhu would be no exception.
RK plasters a wide grin on his face and determines to give her what he considers great news.
RK (barely containing his excitement): Biwi...guess who has been nominated as the Producer of the Year?
Madhu (politely inquires): Who?
RK (slightly annoyed): Yours truly. Haven't you been paying attention that Atit Ke Parchai has been hailed as one of the most successful films of the century? (Eyes gleaming with unholy amusement) The fools thought they could bar me from the industry 2 years ago but now they come crawling, begging, to be a part of my team. They should have known better than to mess with Superstar RK. (Laughs slightly) I don't need those fools. I can make finance my own films and they will be all megahits. (Looks down at Madhu's calm faade) Biwi...you're still silent? Aren't you happy that I overcame the obstacles that were in our way and re-established my rightful place in the industry?
Madhu (daintily shrugs her shoulders): I knew you would one day get it all back. (A slight edge in her voice) It's in your nature to fight hard for the ONE thing you love the most and to make mincemeat of others who dare to get in your way. (Ends smoothly) Still...I am very happy for your success.
RK (grins, pulls Madhu back into his arms, lowers his head and brushes his nose affectionately against hers): Let's go out and celebrate tonight biwi...or (winks suggestively) would you prefer to stay in and have a private celebration?
Madhu (gives him a tight smile and wiggles out of his arms): Perhaps another night RK.
She lightly pushes him out of the way and prays that he won't notice the tears that are threatening to spill from her eyes. It is just like RK to focus on his needs, on his success, on his happiness and to ignore hers. Feeling overwhelmed, she concludes that she cannot spend even a second in his presence. To do so would be a dire threat to her calm, dignified faade that she wears like an armor. Madhu rushes out of the room, leaving behind a bewildered RK.
Watching Madhu exit the room, his shoulders sag. He wonders, did he see a hint of moisture in her eyes? His confusion deepening, RK evaluates their recent interaction trying to determine if he did or say anything offensive to upset her. Frustrated with the situation, he stalks over to his closet when he glances down and notices a stick. Upon closer inspection, RK's eyes widen in comprehension. Staring intently at it, he remembers the day he found out Madhu was pregnant with startling clarity. He remembers the profound joy in finding out that he will be a father. But things didn't turn out to be the way it was intended. RK broods over the offensive, negative sign on the stick and feels his throat begin to close up. Feeling his tightly reigned emotions slipping out of control, he reaches out for the small flask of whiskey that he has conveniently stashed in his armoire. It was his companion during the dark days before Madhu came and lit up his life. And it has come full circle to become his companion once again.