Jungwon was finally able to do what he wanted, which was to go to his dream University. He thought that he could live happily without any more drama, in a new city, with new people and a new life.
Everything would've been perfect if he wouldn't hav...
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Recommended song to listen to while reading - Champion by Fall Out Boys ft. Namjoon (BTS)
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"I- I just... Thank you. For being here for me."
He scratched the back of his neck while trying to hide his embarrassment, both of them looking anywhere else but at each other.
"I think we should get going... It's getting cold and I don't want you to get sick." Jay said, whispering the last part.
Our eyes met and, trying to hide the shyness, we started walking towards his vehicle.
Once again, we were in the parking lot of Jay's apartment when I spoke up, feeling bad for being such a burden to him... I've been staying over too much and it just felt like I was too much. I felt like he was going to hate me after actually knowing me... The overthinking me and the one who always brings drama.
I was a horrible person. How could I bother him so much? I have no shame at all... Always in everyone's way. Always bringing drama and heartbreaks. Always hurting the people that I love the most.
Why was I even here? Why did Jay Hyung even let me stay with him for so long...
Who would want to spend time with a person like me...? There are so many amazing people, why would he waste his time on me...
Maybe I should just leave him alone... It's not like he would mind... He has amazing friends, he doesn't need me.
"Jungwon? What's wrong? Hey... What is going on, why are you crying?"
I quickly wiped away my tears. I was shaking. Thinking about the worst things but I just couldn't stop my racing mind.
It wasn't the first time this happened. It was another panic attack.
I've been experiencing this since I was a teenager but it got worst after I started fighting with my parents... A week after I left Seoul and moved to Gwacheon, I had a really bad panic attack. I think it was the worst one I had ever experienced before.
The amount of stress and responsibility was just too much for me to handle. Everything was new to me; people, job, place.
I didn't know how to deal with it. I kept all my emotions inside. My family always taught me to be strong and never cry and that crying was for the weak. You might think it was like that because I'm a boy but no. My sister was taught the same way.
We were told that crying is an embarrassment.
That's why I tried keeping inside everything but it turned against me. My body decided that, if I couldn't handle the feeling mentally, I had to get everything out physically; to be more precise, by vomiting.
