I feel locked up in a empty white room while the light is trying to hold me and save me from my own will. The same days are repeated doing the same thing 10x every day nothing ever changes the exception from my emotions. Over whelmed and tired of feeling a certain way. People never liked loneliness but I enjoy it, I desire it as my adrenaline rush kicks in "I crave" it. I hate being this way due to all the secretive information that's hidden inside me and all the complicated emotions.
I crave a lot of things, I crave danger having to be put in a stressful situation makes me feel good in an oddly way. Having sleepless nights makes me feel good, just being in a room without sleep is pleasurable it's the best time for me too be more active. Being in a near-death experience makes me feel more alive. The first time I experience this was when I was on a highway with anonymous and they wanted to play a game called "Traffic" I didn't understand what the game was about into the light turned yellow and they started to walk next too the automobile while the autos were driving in the high way and I had to chase after them facing life and a third near death experience meanwhile my heart pounding extremely hard and my skin was sweating. If I didn't catch them they would be completely entirely gone.
That same day we were sitting down in a small park by the benches and anonymous ask me "if you want to make a deal with —" I said "no" but due to the pressure and wanting to be able to finally feel something I changed my opinion and said "yes". They grabbed my hand and put my palm facing straight and with their incredibly amusing self-pocket knife that's very elegant in a much fancier way they pulled it from their pocket and within one second they put the knife against my palm cutting a straight horizontal line while the dark reddish blood was dripping everywhere. Meanwhile, at the same time, I felt a sharp pain sting to the point of wanting to feel that again, I saw triangles and spiders were crawling inside my skin making me feel unsteady in an arousing way. My adrenaline was rushing to the max I felt phenomenal.
That whole time anonymous was staring at me with a peek of a full smile and laughing it off as if nothing ever occurred.
