𝙏𝙀𝙈𝙋𝙀𝙍 ✓ 𝘑𝘢𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘏𝘢𝘭𝘦 • 𝘉𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘖𝘯𝘦 •

11.

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It had been a little more than four months since Esme joined the family. Carlisle could never be happier and I got glad from seeing him so joyful. It was strange, how much he could change thanks to another person, another soul. It was almost as if half of his personality had been locked inside a coffin, a box only she had the key to. She had opened that other half of his personality and it stunned me how different yet alike he had become. They moved as one, they thought as one and to be honest they almost were one individual instead of two. It was sweet yet absolutely annoying in the most lovely way.

Edward and I had made a hobby out of catching our parents snogging. Do not ask me why we did it, we simply loved to embarrass them both and oh boy did we succeed. If vampires could indeed blush they would both be red all the times we had caught them, catching them in the heat of the moment with loud laughters or joking gagging noises. It didn't matter how cautious they were because we always found one way to embarrass them, and it was the most golden fun we could ever have.

I could not imagine that our family could become so lively, so comfortable and calm. Yet this is all I could ever ask for. I have never felt so normal, so peaceful as an 80 years old woman. I could never imagine that I could get this lucky, I have the most loving dad who had found his soulmate. She was sweet and caring in ways I hadn't really believed to be possible. It seemed like no matter how cold I was towards her, no matter how untrusting I acted, she always found a way to brighten up everything. 

Of course she had no idea why I was so distant, so mistrusting and doubtful. I had not told her nor Edward anything, though I suspected Edward knew bits and pieces but not the entire thing. I wasn't planning on it either, telling them that was. I liked the way they didn't know, how they stayed clueless to a part of the world I didn't want anyone to know about. Neither of them knew how dark the world really was when it wanted to be. Carlisle and I let them think that the world was a place for your own dreams, a place where nothing could go wrong. I wanted them to believe that, because once they realised the mask nature wore to conceal its terrible side, a side that was made out of nightmares and pain, they wouldn't look at anything the same.

Then again I suppose no one could be kept in the dark for too long. Sometime they needed to know. Sometime they needed to be told. That sometime just wasn't today nor any day into the long future.

I had this feeling, a bad feeling, that something would happen soon. It might happen in a week or in several years but I remember feeling this, this feeling before. It was exactly the same, almost as if it was warning me again. It was rather strange, it wasn't a gift or anything like such because then Eleazar would have told us. It was just something that happened, whether I enjoyed it or not. And I didn't enjoy it, rather on the contrary. 

I had gotten the same omen, feeling, sign, whatever you wanted to call it in 1912. Though it would appear that the bad omen which the feeling showed happened years later, in 1914. It was the year of the beginning of the world war, a war almost everyone around the globe was either involved in or affected by. That samde feeling had left my body abrubtly at exactly the 28th of July 1914, and I would later only find out what it meant. 

Joining that war was both cruel and amazing. I got to help so many people yet I saw so many things, things that still appeared in front of my eyes when I closed them. I had experienced death once more, death like the one I had experienced in my human years. The things I had seen didn't affect me as they should have done, nothing did anylonger. I had gone dull, the senses of danger and fright had vanished long ago. I never reacted anymore, I rarely did. I sometimes wonder if I am healthy, if I am normal. Of course I know the answer to that because it is very a simple one, no.