Self proclaimed

The napping

"Self proclaimed worlds greatest spy, self proclaimed worlds greatest marksman, self proclaimed worlds greatest.......worlds greatest lover?"
He coughed up some blood. "You forgot best disguises-" one of the goons punch him in is stomach.
"Sterling Malory Archer A.K.A Dutches, do  you think this is a game."
He scoffed and weesed for air. "Wait would it be disguisie-ie?"
"Mr. Archer!"
"What?! Wait no it's Randy" One of the men held his fist up to archers face. "Wait, wait, wait!" I raised an eye brow at him. "What would be the best grammar for that because I wanted it too praising fit into the sentence." The goon relented his punch right into Archers nose making it bleed. "God damnit! Would you stop that!?"
"Answer me this Mr. Sterling Archer, Do you know who i am?" I leaned down to face him.
"No but your surprisingly beautiful." He chucked a little bit. I also let out a little chucked. "So is this some kind of for play or did you actually kidnap me because I have to tell you I have bad legs, also do you might know where my cane is?"
"No. No. No Mr. Archer. Your mother is the reason I took you. And it was surprisingly easy to do so. Anything with dick is easy to control when you look like this." i pointed to my face.
Archer really looked at me for a while it felt like minutes.
"Fuck shit I know you now. You were the girl at the bar i trying to have sex with right, you said that you could shoot a apple off my head with your feet. WAIT! Can you really?" I raised my eye brow at him and gave a little wink. " i knew you were lying."
"No. Mr. Archer, your mother didn't tell you who i was kinda surprising honestly. When I was born my horrible mother put me up for adoption and that's where I met Berry he told me when we were young we were gonna get married, he promised me a life, a life a little orphan girl dreamed of. When Berry was old enough he had to leave and when he did so did my feelings of love, so you know what I did me. Archer?"
"What I said sarcastically."
"You can hit him." I told on of my men.
"Nooo!!!" They slapped him in the face this time.
"Archer your a raging dick you know that right, wait don't answer because I don't care." I sighed. "When I was old enough they gave me all my stuff that my birth parents left me. And you wanna know why I'm telling you this.....well it's because my birth name is '(y/n) Malory Woodhouse'" archers eye widend. "So I followed the leads and found Woodhouse' before he dead. God rest his doped up soul. He told me everything, that my sir name isnt Woodhouse."
It took Archer a second but you could see the gears working in his head. "Your my......my.....sister?"
I took a big gulp out of my drink and poored another on  I gave it to Serling. My men let him go. "He said that a day after you were born our mother felt like there was something stuff wrong, she had me at an hospital and told Woodhouse' to take care of me. Poor guy didn't have it in him to kill a new born so yeah I ended up at the orphanage."
He took a drink, "you could've done so much better then Berry to be honest."
I punched him in the arm. "So what brought you to this point I'm curious."
"Oh well when I met back with Berry he gave me a great sum of money for my troubles, he didn't want his fiance to see me." I looked him in the eye. "Thank for sleeping with her by the way."
He finished dis drink then took the bottle." Are you having a family momma here?"
I sighed again. "I guess we are Serling. So bad it will be short lived. Look this part I really hate but, I need to knock you out and you can speak a word of this to anyone."
I stopped drinking and took a big gulp of air. "What no your like that only family I really have, you could relate to so many things."
"Like what Archer, grouping up in a nice home with at least some sort of family there. If you tell anyone about this I will indeed chop off your man parts-"
"Eww."
"-mail them to your mother, and that take your head and mail it to AJ and Lana."
"Okay. Okay but will I ever see you again?"
I thought about it for a moment. "Yes. Your my big brother, even if I barely know you. I still kind alike having you as a brother." I took my gun out. "It's gonna hurt me a lot more by the way."
I smashed him in the side of the head knocking him unconscious. "Can you help me?" One of my guys picked him up and left him in the hallway he tried dto come in because we thought it was a nightclub. I put sign up so he Woudl be tricked into coming in.
I saw pam sneaking into the building so I ha dto cut the meeting short, we were having a moment there too.

I can't wait to see him again when I start my new job.

Hello everyone. Hope you enjoy and like this new story, I didn't see much Archer story's so I despise to make my own.