She felt the anger welling up inside her. She didn't deserve this. She deserved better. She deserved more. She had suffered so much. The world had taken so much. It was time she took something back. Time she stood up for herself and did what she wanted, did what she needed. For the first time in her life she let the anger win, she let the range fuel her. She let it all out.
There was nothing that she needed that she couldn't just take. Nothing that could stand in her way. She had been told constantly and consistently that she was not good enough, that she was not hard working enough, that she didn't deserve anything. But all those people were wrong. She deserved everything. She deserved it all and she was strong enough to get it all.
The fire rising inside of her gave her a sense of power that she had never known. A sense of wonder and strength that she only ever dreamed of. Her sense of right and wrong seemed skewed. There was no longer what was right and what was wrong. There was just what she wanted. There was just what she desired. It wasn't power. It wasn't death or destruction. It was pride. She it was a place in the world. She wanted to belong and if everyone was going to shun her away then she would carve the world into what she wanted it to be, change it into a place where she finally belonged.
There was no tipping point that she could think of. No single moment in her life that would have led to such a drastic and almost instantaneous change. There was just her. Just everything piling on each other. Everything becoming more and more difficult. Everything being pulled away from her. Her love no longer loved her. He family no longer spoke to her. Her friends all abandoned her. She was alone and if she couldn't have people stay in her life that wanted to be there then she would change herself and make them. She would take it. Force the respect. Force the love. There was no other option for her. She saw no other way.
So that burning rage inside of her exploded and she looked at herself in the mirror. She studied her eyes, her face, her body as closely as she could. Examined it all and changed it all. Changed her hair, changed the way she smiled. The way she dressed. Changed the way she thought. Changed the way she talked. She no longer let people walk over her. She no longer let those around her drown her out. She stood up and she took. She took and took and took and took until she was where she wanted to be. Until she was feared. Fear is just as strong of an emotion as love. Fear is easier to achieve than love. She didn't care if it cost lives. She didn't care if she still went to bed alone every night. If she still felt that part of her slowly sinking to the depths of her soul, felt that part of her that was good slowly suffocating. She didn't care. She was getting what she deserved. She was taking what was rightfully hers. She was becoming the bad guy that she had swore she would never become.
It was what this world had made her, what society had forced upon her. She wanted to believe that. She wanted to blame the world for making her the way she was. She wanted to blame anyone but herself. There was no other choice for her. If she blamed herself then she would be just as weak as she once was. She would have failed at everything she had built up. She would have lost. She could not accept that. Could not accept losing. Could not accept being wrong.
She would fight anyone who opposed her. Anyone who tried to take her down a peg or two. She would kill anyone who stood in her way. She no longer cared about anything other than herself. If the world didn't care about her than why should she care about it. Why should she care about the people that threw her to the side like a piece of garbage. Why should she try to get them to like her when she could force them to fear her.
There were so many chances for her to do better. Chances for her to be the good person she had once been. Be a hero. But being a hero means sacrificing yourself for the greater good. She didn't believe that she should sacrifice herself for a world that didn't deserve it. A world that didn't deserve the dirt that trailed on the bottom of her shoes. She deserved it all. She deserved greatness. She deserved the fear of others. She deserved to be powerful. She deserved to be happy.
Happy.
She would never be happy. She knew that. There was nothing that she could do to bring happiness upon herself. Nothing she could do to make herself feel as she once did so long ago. Make herself feel happy. Make herself laugh. Make herself smile. Happy was no longer in her vocabulary. It was no longer achievable. Happy was an impossible dream. A horrible nightmare. Happy wasn't something she deserved. The pain. The respect. The fear. Those are what she deserved. In some dark and twisted way she knew that. She knew that it was not happiness that she deserved. It was not love. It was not to be revered. It was fear. It was anger. It was hatred. It was suffering. That was what she deserved. That was he fate. For all the anger that lived inside of her, her fate was to be lonely. Her fate was to be unloved, unhappy, unwelcome. Her fate was to lose and eventually, when someone was strong enough to push past their fear and fight her, she would.
