"Was it worth it? Was it worth it?" Raymond asked himself, over and over again. His rational side screamed at him for doing it, his irrational side justifying it with the same vigor. He couldn't do it anymore, the taunting, the comments, the anger, he was just done. But as he sat back in his Aventador, the only thought was WHY. WHY Mickey why? He had talked with Mickey, tried to hash out his problems, tell his side of the story, bring Mickey to the table, and Mickey had agreed. Until the next day, when Ray felt the same cycle repeat. Ray drives and drives, a broken man. Every joke they've made resonates in his head. An anger rises within him, but Ray is calmer now. He controls it, pushes it down, and stops near the warehouse.
His new home for the future.
The RUST boys find him on the ground in the warehouse, and look at each other. Shocked as they are, they gently wake up Ray. Ray wakes up instantly, pulls out a gun, yells at them "WHAT?". Flare stands there, stunned at his father, who has just pointed a gun at him. A look of recognition comes into Ray's eyes, and he shakily puts the gun down. "Papa, a-a-are you okay?" "I can't tell you that" Ray quietly mutters. Flare stands frozen for a minute...
5 minutes later
The boys all drive towards the vault. The camaraderie is there, but something is different tonight. Their leader, usually so bold, is silent and simply drives. Wren and Chem try to move him but he doesn't respond. The bois look at each other and wonder "Where is Ray?". Ray suddenly slams the brakes. The bois, jumbled around, look at him. "Boys, hit the vault on your own". Ray gets out, slams the door shut, and walks away. The boys are frozen, at which point Ray is already gone.
Later that night
Ray is fast asleep, but his sleep is anything but peaceful. A river of blood, flowing through his mind, the boys all around him, scared of him. His body won't obey his mind, his arm is raising, there's a gun in that hand. "STOP IT RAY, STOP IT!" he yells at himself, but that arm keeps rising, and a single shot echoes.
Ray wakes up in a cold sweat, looking around frantically. He grasps his AK-47 instantly, the only thing that he seriously connects to now. He grasps it, hard, until his labored breathing slows, and he falls back into an uneasy sleep.
The Next Day
Ray wakes up, the sun shining through the windows of his car. "A bright new day." He thinks for a brief moment before the pain sets in. A deep, heavy sadness. Deeper than the most bottomless pit, and filled with an emotion Ray rarely feels.
Regret.
Ray can't stand it, he gets out of the car, tries to relax, smokes a joint. Doesn't work. His breathing is getting more labored, hitched, the blood, he can see it, Mickey's blood all around him, Mickey's face staring at him, he can't do it anymore. He ducks back in and grabs the AK, clutching it to his chest. His breathing, so labored a minute before, calms down. He reframes himself.
"You're Raymond Romanov, the Russian grinder, a part of CB"
But will they accept him after this?
The doubt preys on his mind as he steps back into the car, and awaits that phone call restlessly.
YOU ARE READING
The Grinder
同人小說He fought for his bois, bled for his bois, and now he's been cast away. He's done something unforgivable.
