HAZE (ERERI - OS)

HAZE

"Eren it's okay, it's me."

Slowly, I begin answering the voice inside my head. It sounds so warm. I could easily melt under its light pressure. But it's more than a husky whisper through my messy mind. I try to fight. I really do. I kick the unexpected promise out of my chest. It's tempting, I won't deny it. However, I don't want my heart to turn up and down at the mercy of its thrill. My soul should keep walking on its old, hollow path. Evil thoughts seduce me to spread what's left of my will. A scream breaks my weak lips. A thing so small and still it shakes my whole body. The storm in my veins rejects the voice's lullaby. There's no way it can go further. It has to stop.That's why a little, hysterical No jump out of my tongue.

"Yes, you do, Eren! You know it's me!"

The voice got game. Maybe it's the quiet strength of the harsh tone or the despair under the gloomy attitude. I'm not sure. I just know that, deep inside of me, down to the bottom of the soul I ruined so well, something's begging me to give up. Suddenly, the doubt rises in me. It haunts me. It weakens my resistance. It talks to me. What if I go wrong? Could it be that this voice, the softest I have ever heard, knows the right way? The one I'm dragged away from, by my own spirit. I find it hard to differ. I mean, it's not easy to trust my wrecked beliefs whit a question spinning right in their middle. Why isn't the voice running away, despite me being a total dick? Why on earth does it feel like home? My memories are foggy but I do see it clearly. A lightning slashes my confusion. The voice caves in my ears. I know the way it grows deeper to sound calming. Something's so familiar in the way it vibrates. Resounding and pierceful, it reaches the hidden part of me.
Listening to my own screams, I ask one thing to myself. Why is it so hard to speak my mind, my real one? A sparkle of what I used to be blows up in me. That's when my mouth stops all the yelling. In a blink of an eye, I'm a lost guy, bonded to the only thing that seems real.

"It's okay if you cannot talk, Eren. Don't worry. Stay calm. I can take this."

The voice also has two warm hands. I find it out when they stretch my collapsed nerves. Their grip mirrors a perfect embrace. I don't really want to fight it. I'm just willing to soften into this living prison of flesh and bones. My hands ease up to the feel of some straight hair. It seems like they know the way. As if they were the owners of these silky strands, wrapped around my fingertips. Their relaxing touch feels like jelly rushing along with my blood. Fear of the unknown still knocks on my door, though. This old, new sensation falls on me and here I am, trembling under its spell. It's a given. I don't want to lose it. I don't want it to run away while I'm still trying to get a firm grasp on it. But the voice replies to my unraveled thoughts, right away.

"I can see through you, Eren and I can keep you here, where you belong. It's always gonna be me. I promise. I won't let you go."

It becomes clearer every minute. My lungs open wide to a reassuring scent. Lavender blends with peppermint and surrounds me. Adorable. Now I do get it. It always makes me feel so safe and sound. Like a promise it won't hurt anymore. The impossible aroma tempts my eyes to open. Light strikes my view, but I can fight it. I have to. So I dive into the breath-taking panorama. His pitch black hair dancing on my palms. His ivory skin wrinkled by a frown. The sharp jaw tightened to keep him in control. This is what I was looking for. The home I love, between his arms. The path I'm willing to take, lifted up by his embrace.

"Ho-how could I forget?" I rattle. My own voice's nothing but a skinny gasp. Yet he takes it as a deep need. Like a breath of wind in an everlasting hot summer. I pierce his soft skin and he seems to be born again from my touch. His gaze sparkles as I regain myself, my true self. He sees me and falls down, down on me. He explores my body desperately. The urge in his touch arches my back. A brief move puts us together as one. Hips to hips. My brown hair caught by his hands. My olive skin stained by his pale one. Green shades of my eyes blinded by such a beauty. That's how perfection bursts into colors.

"I know you won't, Eren. Everything's gonna be just fine if we stick together."

He could cry if he wanted to. His solid figure goes liquid with mine as he matches our eyes. The lapides lazuli settled down in his eyelids remind me what I love the most. Even the ocean should pale, in front of the silvers rivers in his irises. His lips crush mine, giving birth to the most burning kiss he ever gave me. I, myself get surprised by the shivers under my skin. They crawl underneath me and no shudder was ever so sweet. He tastes me and gets mesmerized. He lets himself on me. Not a hint of self-control in his wild moves. He pants, entwining our tongues. He steals my flavour and makes me feel like ambrosia in a gold, holy cup. Despite a childish embarrassment closing my eyes at first, I stare at him all along. I watch him overwhelming me with all his love and that's how everything goes away.

Confusion and fear dust away in the unbreathed air. We don't need anything but us. Our connection is the only thing that keep us going. Thanks to his quick, rare smile, I finally say goodbye to my private suffering. All the pain, the sickness, all my weaknesses... They're all dead now. Corpses of an ancient past, strangled by the hand of our love. I smile back at him, killing the sad, useless, upset Eren.
And here he goes. With his voice, his hands, his scent. With his existence that happens to be my whole universe. He just waits for me. He stands still while my lips eager to tell what he already knows. The secret he fuels our love with, even when I lose myself and want to go. But run away is easy, knowing he'll always be here to get me back. To hide his blushing face in my shoulder as I put an end on my haze and warm him up with my confession.

"I love you Levi."