Danny & Daria

Dear Danny:

Dear Danny:

I hope this email finds you well. I am sorry that I ghosted you again this month not because I don't love you anymore but it's because I am not stable at the moment and I feel like I need to detach from the place, the people that have been helping me in order not to crush or drag them down with me.

It was very hard not seeing you all these past months. Believe me, I do. I am not doing any meds again, but I am still going to the therapist you once recommended the other day. Dr. Tina is very good at her job, at least helping me to stay afloat and be in the moment. She once told me that in order to stay alive, I need to be grateful for the smaller things and she made me list all of the things I could think of at the moment. To be honest, I am horrified of myself. I can't think clearly. I wrote several words and I can sense Dr. Tina did not believe all the words I wrote. Maybe she knew that I didn't open up to her. So, several meetings just went away like that.

You know Danny, I am very hard on myself. I keep telling things what I should do and not, but it turns out I am always wrong. I know you met me since orientation day but I have been gravitating towards bad people and pulling them into my life and the effects are still on even now. I once had this friend and I thought he could be different, and it led me to 7 years of heartbreak going nowhere so I had to find my own way, to go behind all this, to look forward, hopeful to be good, and to let go.

I remembered when I met you at the orientation class, Danny. I remembered that among those 60 people in a room, you were the first one that I caught and look in the eyes, but it was very fast. As if the world signaled to us that there might be a chance in the future; but it also got me afraid the first time I got to know you because love at first sight never did well to me. I happened to build another wall not to let you in, but I also opened another door at the back; I thank you that you're fighting this relationship because you told me I am the real one; even though I was not in a good situation back then.

I wrote this email not because I was scared to text you. In fact, I will text you to inform you to read the email. It was 20 minutes later after my last sessions with Dr. Tina and I had this clarity about maybe the list I wrote about things I am grateful for is not the things I am grateful for in the past, maybe, I did just write things in the future that I will be grateful for soon, in a way. I know it does not make sense to you right now but the fact that Dr. Tina moves to turns the other perspective way. She also told me that in order to move on to another stage in life, we have to push it where it moves, do what's working at the time, and just keep making progress. Maybe she's just trying to tell me that everything that I have right now is what drives me to the future and stays stronger with the person who supports me through it. I am grateful that you told me I am real, and I want you to believe that you are real too. I may be scared of everything at the moment but I am sure that I can't do this alone without you.

See, I am just blabbering words as usual. Anyway, How are you, Danny?

I want to go to Danny's Apartment this evening after the sessions. I hope that he went straight to read my email. The nurse is still doing my document and proceeding with the meds prescription I should be taking because apparently Dr. Tina and I agreed to do some to ease my anxiety. To my right, there was a girl in red shoes waiting for the medication too and she seemed so vacant. Judging by her posture, she is supposed to be around eighteen years old. I brace myself opening up conversations with her, "How are you today?" She looked to the left to find whose voice and to whom the question was given to. "Never better, you?" "I did fine today, anyway do you want to grab a coffee after next weekend's sessions?" she looked confused, "you seem like a college student, don't you have friends?" "I do, it's just that I don't have any activities to do after the sessions besides going home" "and you feel stupid because everything just didn't seem to work out fast? I do '''First meet and you already complete my sentences. I can show you around my college and there's a bubble tea place I'd love to go to. are you in?" she smiled, then nodded, and five minutes later her name "Lea" was called at the prescription counter.