Insomniac

366 4 2
                                    

Miguel

Angst (a bit, this is just a short congrats to me coming back after 10 years)

TWs

ED (maybe??)

this is short, i mostly write my stories with at least 1k words in them 

______________________________

Miguel

       I layed down on my bed feeling sluggish. I had little to no energy in me and I had no intention of getting up at all, all I wanna do right now is rot inside my room. I'm currently waiting at death's door right now.. I missed being a little kid where I actually felt like doing something for once. I always try to block out all the thoughts I had in my head but it just doesn't work. Life is like a flower, it grows from a seed and blooms into a pretty flower, but when the flower doesn't get enough care, it wilts and turns ugly, and eventually dies. That's how I feel like, a dead wilted flower. I barely remembered how happy I was, because now that I'm older I don't even recognize myself anymore. All I can really do right now is wait for death's door to open and let me in. I don't even hang out with my own friends anymore, I just stay home on my bed with purple LED lights and just lay there for hours and hours at a time. It's been like this for.. almost a month now and I know that at least 1 or 2 of my friends are worried. I mean, it's peaceful. I can't actually sleep now because of my heavy insomnia so I would just lay down doing nothing. I have no energy nor motivation to do anything, especially getting up. I haven't eaten in weeks, and I'm exhausted like hell. I don't even know how I'm not dead yet, but I wish I was. Honestly the only things I've been doing for the past month was just laying down on my bed, drinking water, chewing gum and smoking. I know it's not healthy, but I don't even care anymore. I ignored all of my discord calls and muted everyone. I've ghosted the people I loved the most. And I feel guilty for it, yet I still do it. My heart aches all the time. Hopefully this will end soon, because I don't know how much longer I can take.

     I managed to get up, feeling sluggish. I remembered I hid my phone under my pillow and took it out. I decided to get on discord. Jeez, so much notifications. I thought. I wasn't really surprised, I haven't been online in a while anyway. Omar is online, time to slide in his dms.

omarsumi

Mikaiel — 

hey

12:34 am

omarsumi —

holy shit your online??

12:34 am

Mikaiel

well duh

how else am i texting you?

12:34 am

omarsumi

you have a point

where have u been i missd you

12:35 am

Mikaiel

home..?

12:35 am

omarsumi

alright.. can i come over?

12:35 am

Mikaiel

nah.

im a mess rn

12:36 am

omarsumi

are u ok?

12:36 am

Mikaiel

no 

12:37 am

omarsumi

wanna talk bout it?

12:37 am

Mikaiel

nah, im tired

ima go to sleep

12:37 am

omarsumi — 

gn then

just know im here for you

if you ever wanna talk.

12:38 am

I shut off my phone. I feel bad, I made him worry. I lied to him too. I wanna end this so bad, but I can't. He makes me feel like I'm actually special. He is my favorite person and I love him more than I will ever love myself. I can feel tears prickling in my eyes. I sighed and closed my eyes.

Why am I like this?


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601 words

I may rewrite this, I was rushing.

And im listening to spotify while making this, WHY ARE THERE SO MANY ADS.

AAAAAAAAA

oh yeah i also opened a headcanons book

and again sorry for the long ass wait

ima try to be more active (this is most likely a lie, sorry ig lmao)

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