Project Smile :)

twenty-two

Tears streamed down her face, she was shaking like a leaf.

She pulled her teddy bear closer, and reached for her phone, trying to calm herself down.

It was 1:14 am.

She stared at his contact.

She was not going to bother him.

She pulled her legs closer to her chest, she could be strong enough without him.

She was getting too dependent on him anyways.

1:19 am.

She gave in and texted him, just to see if he was awake.

Hey.

The reply came a minute later.

Hey whats up?

She tried to think of a way that she could see him. She needed a distraction.

U wanna go for a walk?

His house was located a few streets down from hers, and they lived in a relatively safe part of town, she thought they could maybe meet up and walk around for a bit.

Anything to block out the words and images that kept playing through her mind.

1:29 am.

He hadn't replied.

He probably fell asleep, she thought. And good for him, he didn't need to give up his time to be some sort of therapist to her.

She buried her face farther into the little stuffed bear. The tears kept coming.

She was pathetic.

Her phone buzzed.

U coming? :D

Confused, she furrowed her eyebrows and got up, slowly making her way to the window; the bear still in her hand.

He was staring at her from the front lawn with a cheeky grin.

She was so happy to see him that she laughed out loud, before leaving the stuffed animal behind and racing down the stairs. Her steps were silent, as so that her parents wouldn't hear.

She ran out the front door straight into his arms.

"Hey there sunshine." He said laughing at her enthusiasm.

She realized that her actions might have come across as really strange but looked up at him anyways.

He had suspected something was wrong when she texted him, her actions only confirmed it.

"You've been crying, haven't you?"

He could see her tear-stained cheeks even in the pale moonlight and she seemed exhausted, mentally and emotionally.

She knew she couldn't hide it, but she didn't want to talk about it either.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

He glanced at her, knowing that she'd tell him eventually, if he waited and didn't push her. He had learned that that was the key.

Of course, she didn't know that.

"Well, we could walk down to the park, at this time of night a bunch of little kids shouldn't be hogging the swing set."

She rolled her eyes at his source of bitterness.

"Yea, lets go."

She was already starting to feel better, and maybe because his presence made her believe that she didn't have to go through everything alone. Her breathing had become normal again.

They swung and talked at the park for nearly an hour, much of the conversation, was of course, the great chocolate milk debate.

Now though, they were sitting in a comfortable silence, each on their swing.

"Caleb was screaming at me."

He turned his head toward her. He had been waiting.

"In my nightmare I mean."

He watched her, waiting for her to go on. Her eyes never left her shoes.

"He was mad that Amber moved on. H-He was mad at me for letting her, and for me trying too also."

Her voice was shaking, a sound that wasn't foreign to him.

"H-he kept yelling, a-and saying how disappointed in me he was."

Her whole body was quaking now, as she tried to stop herself from crying and getting worked up.

He stood up and picked her up off the swing. He sat on the edge of the mulched-in area, holding her on his lap. She seemed so small compared to his six foot figure.

She took a breath and lowered her voice to a whisper.

"He said he wished that I had been the one to die."

His heart broke in two. For some reason she couldn't let go of the pain, he wished that he could take it all away.

"Oh babe." He hugged her closer to him, ignoring the slip up with the name.

She cried silently into his sweatshirt, feeling the weight of everything. Her nightmares before had mostly been memories. This dream was so much worse.

Her crying started to slow and she focused on listening to the  chirping crickets.  

They sat there at the edge of the playground  for some time longer.

"Sorry for always dragging you into my emotional problems. I know this probably isn't your ideal friendship." She said suddenly in a scratchy voice, trying to pull herself together.

She hated that he had a way of making her open up to him, when she couldn't imagine who'd want to be troubled with her issues.

"Hey don't be sorry." He began wiping away the stray tears on her face. "I don't want you to ever feel like you're a burden to me okay?"

She nodded, placing her head back on his chest, taken back by the electricity she felt when she looked into his eyes.

The nearness of them made her think back to a much better dream she'd had on a different night.

She looked down at his thumb that was making circles on the back of her hand in a comforting manner.

When had the lines blurred?

She chose not to dwell on the pending questions she had concerning their relationship, content to sit there for forever.

He helped hold her together and nothing else mattered.