1 too many bards

Chapter 1 The Last Tavern in Emon

With a pleasing hymn playing in the air, the sound of empty tankards slam on the wooden barrel table.

"Grog wins, again." Percy says with the most enthusiasm he can muster after watching this happen god knows how many times in a row.

"Yes! I win, Grog's the best!" Grog roars to the tavern followed by an ear bursting belch. The lullaby abruptly stops.

"Ugh, why do we always play drinking games with someone twice our size?" Vax'ildan complains with his hands hiding his cherry tinted cheeks.

"To get drunk, of course!" Vex'ahlia exclaimed in a slurred tone.

"Wait, why did the sounds stop?" Grog whined, frantically looking for the source of the music he was enjoying moments ago.

"I am finished for the night due to my favourite part being interrupted." Liz said, looking at Grog disapprovingly. "What did we say about belching in the middle of my songs?" Liz asked whilst walking down the stairs that cascaded from the Taverns balcony. Her steps were near silent as she seemed to glide to the table of drunk friends.

A loud whistle was heard from across the room getting the group's attention. "Want to book a room with me?" A large male eyed the musician from the corner of the tavern with his table of mates. Liz turned her head in his direction, causing her long white hair to fall down her left shoulder exposing her pale collar bone and bare skin due to her off the shoulder corset top.

"Go book one then sweetie." She agreed with a smirk and light wink, leaving his whole table dumbfounded. He quickly came to his senses and rushed to find an available room.

"Tsk." A cherry cheeked Vax sulked into his chair with his arms crossed over his chest. With a slight smirk Liz walked behind him, placing her hands on his shoulders, she bent to whisper into his ear. Her lips slightly brushed his earlobe.

"Is something wrong, honey?" If possible his face went an even darker shade of cherry and the grips on his arms tightened for every word. Vax almost grabbed Liz in his drunken state, not before his sister pulled the girls attention away from him.

"Don't tease him." Vex slugged an arm on to her. Liz turned her attention to the very drunk half-elf cocking a smile at how the siblings were so similar. She placed a delicate finger under Vex's chin to focus her attention on Liz.

"Maybe you'd like to join us?" Liz asks slowly, bringing their faces closer. Vex blushes at the advances and quickly looks away with a nervous giggle rising in her throat, avoiding all eye contact.

"I'm sorry for belching Liz," Grog pleaded across the table to his friend. "Please can you play some more?" Grogs eyes seemed to widen and his hands clasped together almost begging. A loud whistle is heard across the Tavern to catch Liz's attention.

"Sorry Grog, duty calls." She winks and starts towards the sound. A hand was quick to stop her advances but just as quick to let go. Paying this no attention Liz disappears into the room.

"Are you okay?" Pike asked as she was seen rubbing Keyleths back.

"I'm not dru-" She attempted to reason but threw up at her feet instantly.

"Ugh, watch it bitch." A tall male said in disgust whilst shoving Keyleths head out of his way, walking past.

"You watch it dick nose!" Grog yelled, standing up from his barrel.

"Easy Grog, we don't bother with talking assholes." Pike calmed Grog whilst still tending to Keyleth.

"Another round for the greatest mercenaries in the land! Vox Machina!" Vex ordered towards the bar.

"Ha, next joke." The male scoffed at Vex's statement. Vax stood up and strolled over to his table. Plunging his dagger into the barrel table.

"Now, now we don't want any trouble." He chuckled at the table. The man stood, grabbing Vax by the scruff of his top.

"I'll bet you don't. Everyone knows you're a bunch of pathetic losers who can't get a fucking job. Look at your scrawny ass. Too weak to tickle your own pickle." He spat in Vaxs face. Vax slid his hand onto the arm that was holding him up and pulled the most seductive face he could muster.

"You offering to help?" He smirked.

"Yeah," the man said but came to a halt in realising what he said. "What, no." He corrected himself, very flustered. "Fuck you!" He yelled.

"I'm only asking you to give me a hand." Vax stated. Pulling out the man's arm in a straight position, Grog brings his mighty axe down on the man's triceps, splitting it into two.

A large fight pursued, destroying nearly half the tavern. This led to seven of the members being kicked to the curb.

"Does this mean we've been banned from every bar in Emon?" Keyleth asked the group or more like herself.

"Great. We have no money, nowhere to sleep and we are all filthy." Vex Complained.

"Well no point dwelling on the past. We should move on and find a job. Maybe we could do something more for the good if this isn't working out for us?" Pike asked the group.

"Pike, we don't have the luxury of being picky on how we make money." Percy sighed.

"I gotta pee." Scanlan exclaimed whilst waddling around the corner.

As Scanlan disappeared around the corner the light from the tavern grew as the door was being opened. Liz was being escorted to the door by her new trophy, saying goodbye at the door.

"Has everyone sobered up after a good brawl? I know I have." She laughed.

"No thanks to you." Percy scoffed.

Ignoring him Liz began conversing with the group and putting her lyre away.

Scanlan came sprinting around the corner with a parchment in hand and the other supporting his trousers.

"I've got the perfect job!" He yelled. In his excitement the other hand went up, meaning his pants went down. Everyone covered their eyes except grog and Liz.

"Ha, not bad for your size." Liz admired. A hand made its way over her eyes.

"I thought you weren't allowed to sleep with the party?" Vax asked in a hushed tone above her head as Liz was only 5ft and 4inches tall.

"Nothing says I can't admire." She whispered as her hand traced Vax's leg behind her. Just as Vax's grip tightens on her and he lets out a deep gasp Liz gives his genitals a firm tap, causing Vax to kneel over in pain.

"Oh I love that game!" grog yelled, being the only one to witness all of that.